Category Archives: starting over

WEEK ONE RECAP

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Happy Sunday to all.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been this consistent, probably since May 2017. I followed through with Monday/Friday #benderfitness workouts and cardio. I’ve been eating really clean vegan, but counting my points to be accountable. I took a rest day Saturday, my calves were cramping a bit and I chose to listen to my body. My hubby picked me up and bought me an Impossible Whopper and onion rings Saturday night, so I chose to eat half the vegan whopper and a few onion rings. This plan has to be livable, a healthy vegan plant based lifestyle with balance. I counted the half vegan whopper and stayed within my daily points. For the first time in forever I felt satisfied and guilt free. All week my food choices were on point, I meal prepped and packed food for work. I set my week up for success.

Tonight I’m working out after work, cardio and yoga tonight. I get out at ten. Everyone’s lifestyle is different, and if you are looking to make changes do so within your own unique personal lifestyle. I work late and I come home with high energy, so it makes sense I work out after work and not before. This week had some disappointments for both my hubby James and myself, but I didn’t let those challenges get in the way of my commitments. I followed through, and that’s going to be the one change that’s going to get me to all of my goals, following through. Week one was a success in my eyes. I may not be as strong as I once was, but it’s really exciting to know I will get there. You will too if you believe you can achieve any commit to do the hard work, nothing of worth is ever easy. Happy Sunday to all, remember lifestyle changes take one meal at a time, and one workout at a time. It doesn’t happen overnight, it didn’t for me the first time in 2013 and it won’t this time. I’m not expecting quick fixes. This is a marathon and not a sprint.

Love and light, Rose

 

 

 

MOBILE MEDITATION

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Happy Tuesday. Today is day two of my workout challenge and my weight loss journey, I fell off the wagon again. My weight is 177 lbs, I will keep at it until I get it right.  My workout yesterday was so inspirational, it really made me wonder why I ever stopped in the first place. I started with my outdoor cardio for 40 minutes, did two rounds of my Benderfitness Monday/Wednesday/Friday workouts,(thanks to my bff Melissa) and ended with ten minutes on the rowing machine. My muscles felt the shaking that happens after a good workout. Day one sets the bar for day two. It was like coming home. It’s truly mobile meditation.

If you live in a mild climate or the weather is nice where you are I highly recommend doing some of your workout outdoors. There is nothing like being one with nature, wildlife and all the other walkers and runners getting their miles in. As I began walking, my eyes caught a woman walking a dog with three legs. My heart felt like it would just burst as I flashed her a big smile and a hand to my heart gesture as she smiled back at me. Through the course of my cardio I saw a young man with Down’s syndrome enjoying his jogging, a runner stop his pace to assist a family out of a swan boat, wildlife basking in the beauty of a Texas autumn day. You do not get the same experience from a treadmill. 

Finally I was finished, and I sat for a moment on a park bench and met the three legged dog Frisker. His fur parents are rescuers and I was able to snap a few shots of my muse for my day.

Frisker keeps going, he doesn’t let bad days or the fact he’s running on three legs stop him. If he can do it, so can I and so can you. Today is National make a dogs day but yesterday Frisker made my day. We are all connected. You definitely don’t get that type of rush indoors. I plan to get outside daily for some or all of my daily workouts. It’s definitely the kind of natural high five that keeps you motivated to do it again on day two.

What I got out of my  Monday was the beauty of life and living, nature and the kindness of people and animals, and best friends who come to your rescue even from afar. I also learned you may have challenges but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show up. There’s power in consistency. There’s power in trying despite how hard it may be.

Keep on keeping on and pay attention, there is inspiration everywhere. 

Love and Light Rose

 

 

 

 

WORKOUT CHALLENGE WITH MELISSA BENDER FITNESS

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Happy Monday. I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness lately. I believe in the power of a positive mindset.  You can choose to be happy, or choose to be miserable. We each have a choice. I’ve also been thinking about my goals, my health, and how it pertains to my personal happiness. I realized in life there are things you can control and things you cannot control. Here’s the riddle though, sometimes when the things you cannot control pile up, you stop working on the things you can control and you end up in chaos. So my advice to you if you are going through a difficult time is to stay the course with the things you can control. You can control your mindset, what you choose to consume, your attitude, and whether or not you make the choice to workout. You can always choose to reach out to a friend or family member, we are not in this life alone.

I decided to choose my health and my happiness. I realize I need to stop worrying about the things I cannot control and let fate take its course. Today begins my return to working out, to really committing to five workouts a week plus daily cardio. Today I’m alive to commit to my wellbeing, today I will not say no. I’ve reached out to my bff friend Melissa at #melissabenderfitness #benderfitness and asked her to put together a Monday through Friday workout plan. She has wonderful free videos on YouTube( you should check her out) but I want to be able to take my mat down to our apartment gym or the local park and do my workouts. She was so kind to put this together for me. There are two workouts, all body weight since I’m back to beginner status. Monday/Wednesday/Friday and Tuesday/Thursday. For my cardio I’m beginning with speed walking until I feel like I’m getting my stamina back. I’ve not been consistent and slacked off too long, but this is my choice to not be fearful or ashamed to start over. I keep saying I’m going to post daily and well, life happens;  but I’m really going to try to post on my progress as well as my struggles with food and time management. Time is one of my biggest obstacles, or excuses. I’m trying to correct my flaws of impatience and procrastination. 

Here’s the workouts, thanks Melissa. I probably will start with ten reps for each exercise and try to get in two or three workout sessions daily. I’ve got my playlist all ready for my cardio. My mindset is positive, and no matter how far I fall I always get up again. Are you with me? Happy Monday. Let’s control our happiness. Happy Monday. Let’s do this.
Love and light, Rose

 

 

 

FINDING MY MOMENTUM

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My favorite robe isn’t a real robe, but I decided to make it one. It sparks joy!!

Good Morning lovely people. It’s September 4th, can you believe it’s almost autumn?  Here in Houston it will stay hot for some time, eventually cooling down in the 70’s and 60’s. That means I can do my cardio outside or at the gym. If you are stressed out there is nothing like moving your body to an upbeat playlist. This is my non-negotiable. I plan to exercise every single damn day, even if it’s after work. I love seeing the big birds when I’m out getting my move on. They really inspire me to take flight. Today is national wildlife day!! 

I stalk birds.

I have three weight goals. My first weight goal is to get in the 160’s by the end of September. That should be easy if I focus on my willpower and fitness. My second weight loss goal is 159 lbs.  That was my weight when we moved to Houston from Los Angeles. I’m currently 174 lbs, down 15 lbs since this time last year. I have to work on my consistency. Stress got in my way, I ate too much Nada Moo( vegan ice cream). I didn’t track, because I chose to overeat. Overeating is a choice, and I’m guilty of it.

Stepping on the scale is a reset for me. I’m back to counting points. I plan to eat more zero point foods, fruits, veggies, beans and tofu. Yesterday I stayed in ww blue point range, that means I stayed within my point balance. My third weight loss goal is around 140 lbs. I also really want to not just focus on the scale, but really focus on my fitness. I need to get strong, flexible and fast. It’s been way too long. I also want to try new activities, like kayaking this beautiful waterway where I live. 

Nature and exercise is the cure to anxiety and stress.

Goals, sometimes I get so mad at myself when I think where I would be now if I didn’t slip up then. I don’t believe in looking too far back, but I need to realize my mistakes now so I don’t make them again. So when a few months goes by I can say I am in a better place then I was in early September. The key is to think about this before every bite I take. Why is it so hard to get back your willpower after a slip up? Have you struggled with this in your weight loss journey? I just have to regain my momentum beginning this week.

Well, it’s coffee time. Love and Light to all and Happy Wednesday. Let’s do this, one meal at a time. 

Spanky, coffee and a Garden of Life Protein Bar.

Lots of water after I wake up, and fruit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WEIGH IN WEIGHT GAIN

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I was reading Mantra Wellness Magazine, (photo from the pages of the magazine). I opened the magazine and this was the first page. It totally spoke to me. I messed up, again. I gained 3 of the 13 lbs I lost. Here I am, facing the music and starting over.

Weight loss is a series of ups and downs. You begin all gun go until a holiday or other food related event comes along. All of a sudden you stop tracking and you promise yourself just one bad day. Then there’s leftovers, so one cheat day becomes two. Soon you have lost your momentum. I’ve been there when I was successful in my weight loss the first time around, and I’m there now at the beginning of my second weight loss journey. The key is to catch it, to own your slip up and get back on that weight loss wagon. Get on the scale, face it and get moving. I gained three pounds. My weight is currently 174 lbs. I’m still down ten, and I’m catching this now before I gain the whole ten back. I’m making like a GPS,  I’m yelling recalculating. Here’s how I’m going to get back at it and stop the gain cycle and continue on my wellness/weight loss/fitness journey part two.

The first thing is to access the damage, weigh yourself. You need to know where you are.It’s easy to be in denial. Better to cry over a few pounds now. I weighed myself and tracked my weight. 

My next step is to track all my food, and as a ww member I’m going to try to be in blue dots. That means stay within my healthy range of points, period. I noticed my weight went up when I didn’t track.  When I did track I went over my points. My day begins with 24 oz of water with lemon, and a banana and an apple or whatever fruit I have. I let my body digest it before my daily one cup of coffee. Then my breakfast. Lately I’m eating a garden of life plant based protein bar with my coffee. Hey, I’m on the run and it’s only 5 pts. I’m going to make oat and peanut butter protein balls too. If you are vegan I would love to know some fast and healthy breakfasts that are your favorites. 

Being accountable here helps, so I plan to try to blog daily and try to get better sleep. I have two Siamese cats, and the minute our heads touch the pillow they decide it’s time to party. We have to get better sleep, that’s number one. 

Move daily. Non negotiable. That’s my only fitness rule right now. I’ve been spotty with my fitness so I’m making this one goal to start. Move my body vigorously for 45 minutes to 1 hour daily. I will be more specific later, but that’s my rule. It could be running, walking fast, Melissa Bender Fitness workouts etc. I just have to move it for 45 minutes to 1 hour. I started this on Labor Day. Plus I’m going to also add sun salutations, stretching and legs up a wall pose for circulation. 

Eat clean 80/20. The majority of my vegan diet must be Whole Foods plant based with processed vegan food only occasionally. Tracking every bite. I stopped this and I gained three pounds. It’s ok, I’m painfully human. I may try to not eat past 8 pm, but this may be difficult with my work schedule. I’m going to try. Time to revisit vegan meal prepping. 

So this is my restart of my restart. We are still planning to go to Henry’s Home and Horse Sanctuary soon, definitely this month. Ive been asked by my husband James to go when he can go. I do plan to visit and volunteer regularly after our first visit. There’s a lot going on in our life but this is something I can’t wait to do. I’m also helping a friend with a bake sale for her dog that needs surgery. I will post more about that later. I’m baking vegan goodies!! I believe we are here to be of service to others. Sometimes stress gets in the way, I’m working on ways to destress naturally.

I’m off to get my daily exercise in. I want you to know the road to goal does have potholes, and an occasional thunderstorm or two that can throw you off track. The sun will shine again, just begin traveling your path as many times as need be. The destination will always be there. Love and Light. Rose

 

LOSING WEIGHT IS A PROCESS

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Losing weight is a process, in the beginning it’s easy but sticking it out takes extra willpower. Life gets sticky, and it gets in the way. It’s easy to fall of the wagon and stop the healthy patterns you’ve developed in the beginning of your weight loss journey. You will know when this happens, and when you realize it nip it in the bud. 

This week was challenging to say the least. Nothing worth mentioning just adulting and all that comes with it. I didn’t track for days. I almost went for vegan whoppers at Burger King on nights when work was slow and stressful. Waitressing has bad days and bad weeks, it’s normal but when you go into work and stand around it makes you question things. In the end it’s is the way of working in a restaurant, good days and bad days. It always seems like bad days come when you are stressed. Time to reboot and recalculate, like a gps. 

So today I recalculate, I’m trying to check my mood and mindset. I’m back to tracking. I’m planning for Monday and a better and more productive week. Writing my weekly goals on Sunday night. I’m going to try to stress less and be happy in the moments, even the mundane moments that drive me mad. No reason to slip up on my weight loss goals because of a bad week. It’s a marathon and not a sprint, this road to weight loss goals. 

Love and Light

Rose

WW Weigh In Week One

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Happy Monday to all. Today is my first WW weigh in, and I lost 5.4 lbs. I went from 184.4 lbs to 179 lbs. Some of this may be water weight, because now that I’m doing WW online I’m also eating cleaner which means less sodium. I’m being very consistent with my meals and I’m actually eating more frequently. I track every bite. I snack, I track, I bite, I write; well I type it on my app but you get my little rhyme.

I no longer fear food and obsess over a little olive oil. I have control over food, it doesn’t have control over me. I’m enjoying eating, I’m having my 1 teaspoon of raw sugar in my coffee every morning without worrying. As a vegan I’m already limited, so trying to cut other certain foods out 100% just made me crazy. I now practice my own version of moderation when it comes to sugar, salt, oils, and faux vegan meats and cheeses. I don’t cut them out 100% but I may have them here and there, and that’s ok. Tracking gives me back my sanity over food. My work meals are simple and plain, and that works for my lifestyle. I feel the first week of any weight loss and fitness journey sets the tone, and I’m starting strong. 

I picked what charity I would like to assist when I lose my first ten pounds and I will post that in a separate post. My trainer Bethany plans on joining me. We workout tomorrow, and today I’m doing 30 minutes of cardio and a workout. I believe today’s workout is focusing on shoulders and back. 

Are you on a wellness/weight loss or fitness journey? Did it take you forever to start? I congratulate everyone who is beginning a brand new path to heath.  Let’s do this together. 

Love and Light 

Rose 

 

NEVER GIVE UP

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It’s been thunder-storming for days here in Houston, and today is no exception. I have battled the idea of staying with this blog or starting a new blog for my new weight loss journey. After thoughtful consideration and lots of feedback, I have decided to stay here and bloom where my blog was planted. This means I plan on being much more transparent about the ups and downs this time around.

This second phase is not easy, and I will not sugar coat it. I have obstacles that I did not have in 2013. Things to overcome and hurdles to jump. I’m not being a defeatist, I will find a way. I’m just saying this time is definitely more of a challenge. 

As I begin again, there are many things I’ve procrastinated about, things I’ve put off that need attention. Yesterday was the dentist, and I found out I need my wisdom teeth out and a deep cleaning. My insurance doesn’t cover it all, so I need to really focus on saving to get it done. It will be easier for me to lose weight when I don’t just brush my problems under the rug. I’m still waitressing, so my night hours are a challenge, but I will find a way to overcome what holds me back this time around, even if it takes time. My husband and I are really planning change after a rough two years.

Change takes positivity, time, patience and perseverance. Change doesn’t happen when you procrastinate. I’m learning a lot about myself since we moved to Houston from LA. I went from being a go getter to a procrastinator. It hasn’t been all bad, I still submit my writing and I’ve been published quite a few times since we arrived here, and for that I’m so proud. I’m speaking of my fitness and weight loss. Yo Yo dieting is a form of procrastination. I own that. 

Today I took a me day, I woke up with an uneasy feeling and woke up to a dreaded bad news text. Now I’m waiting and praying it’s not that serious. A family member is in the hospital and it’s exactly two years ago my Mom was in the hospital before we lost her. Being far from family during these moments is emotionally draining. Sitting by the phone and waiting. I hope you join in with me and send healing thoughts, energy and prayers to my loved one. 

Life, it’s a series of ups and downs. I’ve kind of been in the crossroads lately, as the ups and downs of my life swings back and forth like a pendulum. I’m positive my loved one will recover and the pendulum with swing in the direction of positivity and new beginnings. Join me as I embrace my new reality and the second phase of my health journey. I believe I can do it again, so with hard work I will achieve. I’m humbled and human, but like the Phoenix I will rise even if I still stumble from time to time. I will always get back up and try again.

Life ain’t gonna live itself. I’m a lover of life no matter what comes my way. 

Love and Light to all 

Rose 

 

WEIGHT LOSS STRUGGLES

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Eating disorders are usually seen as someone who is anorexic and extremely thin, or someone who obviously struggles with bulimia. As a young adult I suffered from eating disorders, I was very thin and dr’s said I was on the verge of anorexia. As time went on my weight stabilized, and it seemed like I was free of my past struggles. I won’t get into much detail of my eating disorder past, this post is about today. 

I have been overweight a few times in my life, the last time before now was in 2013 when I started this blog. Once I got my weight under control it seemed like my obsessive guilty thoughts about food went away, until I gained half my weight back in 2017. When someone looks at someone like me, they never connect I can have an eating disorder. I’ve weighed much more and I’ve weighed much less, but no matter how much I weigh; my eating disorder past comes back when I’m vulnerable and weak, or when life throws me curveballs.

I haven’t been consistent on this blog because I go silent when I struggle.  I’m embarrassed that I’m failing and lost all I worked so hard for. I get motivated and then struggles occur, and again I go silent. I have trouble admitting it’s so hard for me this time around. I’ve been down, then I see people going through much more than me and then I feel ashamed. It’s a vicious circle and I’m desperately looking to get on a more positive path. I want to keep trying until I get it right, I think from now on I’m going to share my ups and downs, my in between and the good and the bad; my middle of my journey. Since January I lost 10 lbs, my current weight is 180. The scale won’t continue to drop until I get myself and my diet and exercise on point consistently. I’m in the gray area, a little stuck and trying to push myself back to living in a Technicolor world.

Food is such a struggle for me. Most people love a good meal, and so do I. The difference is my thoughts about food. I eat healthy most of the time, I probably don’t eat enough. I’m vegan and I eat Whole Foods and plant-based. Once in a while I make a home cooked vegan meal, like spaghetti or a holiday meal. I always overeat spaghetti even if it’s a healthy type of pasta. My husband remarks how good he feels after such a meal, I only feel guilt and disgust. This started again Easter weekend. Special meals make me feel like a failure, so I don’t post here because no one wants to read about someone on a weight loss journey who is faltering. When I eat clean I feel in control, when I eat for pleasure I feel sick after. Not all foods make me feel like this, but spaghetti and holiday meals always leave me on the opposite side of balanced. Afterwards I have trouble getting back on track.

Life has not been smooth here in Texas for the last two years, I won’t get into why but I will say things are really improving. I’m on the verge of really starting over, I just need to get over small hurdles that keep coming my way. My confidence is shot and I need to work on getting it back. I need to work on my food issues, and realized sometimes I can be an emotional eater. I need to get more consistent with all of my workouts because it’s the key to balance. I know what I need to do, I just need to start and not keep stopping. 

Here is a picture of one of my inspirations in life. A beautiful couple I knew from the gym in West Hollywood, CA. She’s a holocaust survivor who’s lived on every continent but one. Every time they saw me they remarked I should be on tv. I always remarked back I needed to lose weight. She always told me embrace your health, when one gets sick they get skinny. Be happy you are healthy. I’m going to really try to work on my health, wellness and fitness. I won’t go silent when I’m struggling. I will try to post the good, the bad and the ugly. I love life-like my friend did, and I’m going to live it as she did and forgive my shortcomings. Love and light to all. 

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

The Shawshank Redemption

 

 

 

WEIGH IN MONDAY

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It’s weigh in Monday, and I finally reached 180 lbs. I lost 3 lbs last week, my first week working out with my trainer Bethany.  In January I began charting my weight on my Loseitapp but I didn’t start blogging regularly again until the last few weeks. According to my app I’m down 9 lbs since January. I am very excited to see the scale move, but this is just practice. Now it’s time to really focus on my fitness as much as my food and to keep up the consistency. I’ve been a bit of a yo yo dieter, and blogger since I gained half my weight back. I’ve since retired my yo yo status. 

I took some before photos. I really took raw before photos, something I never did on this blog even when I began in 2013 when I weighed over 200 lbs. I decided to save the photos when I begin to feel fit again. I just do not have the heart to  share the photos at the moment. I’m working on regaining my confidence as well as my fitness, as I begin this new weight loss and wellness journey. To me the photos are an embarrassment, but necessary evil  to chart my progress. They are my secret motivation. 

Some of my regular weekday meals are so easy. I rely on these staples to get me through my week. Homemade black bean burgers on whole grain buns with vegetables.  Lentil soup two ways, Italian Style and chili style. Split Pea Soup. Main Dish salads with garbanzo beans and a ton of veggies. Garbanzo Bean salad sandwiches on toasted Ezekiel bread. I strive for convenience when I do my vegan meal prep.

I know I’m getting proper nutrition because I follow Dr Greger’s Daily Dozen. I have one vegan cheat meal once a week, within reason. On this day I experiment with vegan comfort food recipes. We do not eat out often because Houston doesn’t have many vegan options. I’m committed to the second phase of my weight loss and wellness journey and to regaining my happiness in mind and body. My body is my temple and my life is a gift, I’m repackaging it with a shiny new outlook. 

Love and Light to all. 

Rose