STARTING OVER AIN’T EASY

Good Morning,

Today I’m spending some time with a dear friend who lost her Father, so my weigh in will be done in a day or two. Death always makes you think about your mortality and how hard it is to lose someone you love. It makes my recent issues pale in comparison. My heart goes out to my friend and to all those who are suffering from a loss of a beloved one.
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and I think it’s harder to face that you have gained a few pounds after losing a lot of weight, than it is to just get started in the beginning. Beginnings are brand new, beginnings are hopeful. Than you ride the wild tide of enthusiasm and it seems effortless to lose weight and succeed.
In the second phase of my weight loss journey it has a different vibe. I only gained back ten pounds but I feel like I lost some of my momentum. In the beginning I knew I was obese so I had no expectations on anything, it had to get better because I was so far gone.
Now I’m critiquing myself constantly. I do not feel as confident as I was just a few months ago. Of course stress may have something to do with it. I’m surfing my moods and searching for better waves of self esteem. I’m trying to be back on track  this week, and I’m diving in head first!!
This brings me to my thoughts today. Why do we put ourselves down when we receive a compliment? I’ve been doing this lately, and today as I go forth with my day and goals I plan to make a conscious effort to restrain from putting myself down. I’ve been bullying myself and it ends today.
Today I will be kind to myself like I am to those around me. I will nourish my body as well as my soul. If someone compliments me I will merely say thank you. I am treading water to the surface, that’s where the sun is.
I will also not take life for granted. I will do this so I can live a long life, and be healthy to give back and help others. This is my ultimate goal. I will not be so hard on myself as I work towards all of my other goals. I will practice patience and self love. Even if I have to fake it til I make it.5e5d5837cacaacd6783496f11c07824b
What are you doing today to be kinder to yourself? Much love and light.
Namaste
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BEGINNING AGAIN

“Your real life starts the moment you start questioning everything you thought was a constant.”
― Mark Fahmy

Good Monday Morning World, Monday you have come a calling again. I woke up today contemplating change, and new beginnings. I have decided to begin anew on my blog and start as if this is the very beginning. This time it’s not going to be as effortless. I am at the half way mark, and I lost my way somewhere along my journey. Admitting this is far from easy.

In my last post I mentioned I gained over ten pounds during the transition of my move from San Francisco to Los Angeles.  I have been through a lot of change in the last year and a half, and I believe I swam the murky waters and landed clean on the other side. But with all changes comes new challenges, and this time around I have some financial burdens to deal with along with my weight struggles. I am much better off than I was in the San Francisco Bay area, but I still have those nagging money issues that hold so many of us back. I promised myself even though I have these challenges, I will start again on my weight loss/fitness/philanthropy journey. I will be much more consistent and never give up. I admit my the last few weeks I have been depressed, and I am here openly admitting this and trying to overcome what holds me back.

If I keep stopping every time life throws me lemons I will never have fresh squeezed lemonade when summer arrives. I need to get back to being optimistic and hopeful. I started this blog in the summer of 2013, and here I am again in May 2016 picking up the lemon rinds and trying again. How many of you have done this exact same thing over and over?  What is it about daily life issues that derails us?  My plan is to start again and keep going despite what happens in my personal life. I am making myself accountable here and now.

Speaking of lemonade, my next ten pound charity will be a lemonade stand for a wonderful organization here in Los Angeles. I will announce who I am doing this for in a future post. My current weight is 175 lbs. My lowest weight I achieved on this blog was 165. I plan to do this charity after I lose another ten pounds. I actually plan on waiting until I weigh 164 lbs, so I can get to my lowest weight so far on this blog. That is my next goal and I intend to make this happen. I am a forever work in progress, but I will hike over this hump and get back to doing what I do best. 

Tomorrow I weigh in, and Tuesday’s will be my official weigh in day for now.I am going to be incredibly honest about the scale, and also post new full length beginning photos. This is exactly like it was in 2013, I just weigh a lot less than I did then. I guess I am not a complete failure. 

I have been running but not as often as I should, so I plan to post my running schedule and workout schedule soon. I am working, but looking for something closer to home. My intention is not to let my job and possible transition affect my plans. To keep going and going and never stop. I have lost a lot of strength so this is really like beginning again.

Ready, set, go. Today is a new day in my new home, and today is a good day. Much love and light to all. I am ready to come out of the darkness and face the warmth of the light here in sunny LA.525109_10151430247528617_1780460651_n

“All great beginnings start in the dark, when the moon greets you to a new day at midnight.”
― Shannon L. Alder

 

 

 

 

 

MIGHT AS WELL JUMP

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.

Lao Tzu

Happy Thursday to all. It’s been well over a month since I posted, things literally changed in less than a months time. I always say change comes on slow and then runs you over. We wanted to move back to West Hollywood so I decided to make it happen. Blogging had to take a hiatus so I could take the time to find a new home and move back to Los Angeles where my blog began. I decided it was now or never. Now was the time to make things happen and move in the direction of our dreams.

James and I were listening to Van Halen one night after I got home from work. I admit, I was never a fan of the band my husband adored until this particular moment. The lyrics “Might As Well Jump” resonated with me deeply. I started to think, why are we here and what would it take to make a big leap and move back to the city where we were at our most happiest? We wished to move back to West Hollywood but finding an apartment while you are living in a different city can be daunting.

James happened to find a listing and we spontaneously called and set up an appointment to see the apartment. Within hours of getting home from a long shift, I got on Caltrain to San Jose and took a bus to Hollywood. There I met my friends and saw the apartment. Not too thrilled with it, and the process took longer than I expected so I was forced to stay the night. That night  James happened to come across an email about an apartment right in the heart of our favorite neighborhood and by the end of the next day I had the keys to our new home. It was perfect in every sense, and the whole process was Kismet.  (Kismet, that moment when everything just seems to align perfectly, right time, right place, right people).  We were renting from lovely people in a prime location. I loved the apartment and already pictured us with our cats there. Flash forward to today, we have been here almost a month and we could not be happier. 

Might as well jump. It took me less than 48 hours to get to LA, find a place and come home with the keys to our new castle and future. Angels above must have been guiding me to move back to the city of angels because it all came together too flawlessly.

I jumped, took a huge leap and landed on my feet back home in Southern California where I belong. Where we both belong.

Of course moving and setting up a brand new home from the ground up does take its toll on your routine. For me I slacked off a little on my clean eating. I was happy and I indulged in foods that normally would never cross my lips. My workout and running routine was compromised as well. I knew this, so I decided to do something about it sooner rather than later. I accidentally stumbled upon a Weight Watchers Group near where I am working. I went in, I joined, and I faced the scale and my inner insecure demons. Yes, I gained 13 lbs back but that is fine. I am now in control, and really looking forward to the next phase of my weight loss journey. I hope I can meet my goal with the help of Weight Watchers and  MelissaBenderfitness.  My leader Susan is absolutely fabulous,which makes all the difference in the world. The group is supportive, loving and most of all lighthearted and non judgemental. It was hard for me to admit that I slipped but I am human and flawed. With my humanity comes a strength that urges me to pick myself up and get right back to what makes me tick. My health, my writing, the charities I help along the way. I love this blog and I will continue on even as I take one step forward and two steps back. Eventually I will have to take another step and move forward or I may find myself stagnant and miserable. I will never give up.

So, today I weigh 13 lbs higher than my lowest weight I reached on my blog which was 165 lbs. It is day two of Weight Watchers and my new starting weight is 178 lbs.  I will be blogging all about my recipes, my weight loss and fitness, my goals,  and most important my new charities. I am in contact with a local well-known charity I admire and I will be posting about my nest ten pound charity event soon. In an essence I feel like today is my new day one, and back in Los Angeles where it all began.

I have never called myself an after, and I am forever a work in progress. Learning, evolving, and becoming the best me I can be; inside and out.

Namaste’ Love and Light

Rose

 

 

 

HAPPY ST PATTY’S DAY

“Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.”
Sophia Loren

 

Happy St Patty’s day, eat your greens.  I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio, and my Italian father had a restaurant in  the downtown. My memories of St. Patty’s Day was watching the parade from the front windows, all while stuffing little green petit fours in my mouth. Eating and food was celebration in my childhood household. 

As a child growing up with an Italian father, and with a Mother who learned to cook like she was born in Napoli, I can say I can totally relate to Sophia Loren’s words about spaghetti. To this day, it is the one food I cannot control portions over, so I choose to just eat it on rare and special occasions. When I began my weight loss blog I tried to portion spaghetti, and on one occasion  my hubby James caught me with my face deep in the pot of spaghetti  at 3am. Pasta seems to rule my willpower with an iron wooden spoon.

I found out what works for my body. When I don’t eat gluten, my skin looks radiant and I drop the pounds with much more ease than when I try to portion out processed foods. For me eating clean is a lifestyle, but I am not above occasional cheat days and splurges, well until now.

I announced a week ago that this week begins my ten month countdown to my 50th Birthday on December 21st. I decided since my blog is called My Change For A Ten  and I helped charities per every ten pounds lost, that I would do the same but change the format for the next months. I dropped my initial 50 lbs, and then the weight slowed. Now I am taking a different route to the same destination. Ten months, ten charities, no cheat days, workout, running and yoga. The point is I want to arrive confident and strong to my 50th Birthday. I want to be the best me inside and out.

So, with that said this is a quick primer on what I am doing. 

My food will consist of non processed, clean real food. No cheat days. I have been asked what I consider a cheat day. So this is what I will be eating, and if it is not there I will not consume it for ten months. Yes, this is a challenge, and my husband James is already looking ahead to Fourth of July and Thanksgiving and telling me I have to cheat on those dates.

The bulk of what I eat will be eating is plant based,  as much produce as I like, fresh or frozen.Occasional fresh juices and coconut water.  Lean proteins, fish, chicken, and occasional red meat. No processed meats. As for Dairy I will include milk, Greek yogurt and cottage cheese on occasion as well as occasional eggs. Nuts, seeds, nut butters, dried fruits. Olive oil, sesame oil, coconut oils. Occasional baked potato, sweet potato, and Ezekiel sprouted bread. Coffee and dark chocolate, within portion control, are my treats. I will still allow my protein bars because I just cannot give those up. Basically my plan is almost grain free, if I ever feel weak I will eat the occasional bowl of steel cut oats. I drink water all day long. I am taking some supplements, all natural and I will talk about those in a future post.

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My plan will be low salt and sodium, and I will make my own dressings. Low sugar except for a teaspoon in my coffee every am since I cannot have the fake stuff and I am not giving that up.  The dark chocolate I buy is 85% dark chocolate. Above are some photos of my meals I ate this week.

I will be posting about the fitness, running, yoga and charities I have planned in a future post. I also plan to start doing YouTube videos talking about my weight loss and fitness goals. Today my weight was 169 lbs. I am up from lbs which was my lowest weight I achieved on this blog and journey of mine. I have not yet decided, but I may put the scale away until I reach my 50th Birthday on December 21st. I am ready for my challenge and today is day four and I feel like I am going to be fabulous at 50. I want to look like Sophia Loren when I am her age, but this Italian girl will get there without spaghetti. 

Happy St Patty’s Day, eat your greens.

Namaste

Rose

 

Countdown to 50

Keep swimming to the surface, that is where the sun is.

Rose Bruno Bailey

Today I quoted myself, because I believe no matter how difficult things may appear, if you keep swimming to the surface the water clears and that is where you will see the sun again. I am doing this now. I believe we are always reinventing ourselves, and finding new ways to journey in the direction of our goals and dreams. 

I am going to reinvent my blog for the next ten months. I am counting down until my 50th Birthday in ten months on December 21st.  Ten, I am working on my change for a ten. I focus on weight loss, fitness and philanthropy and that has not changed. What has changed is instead of doing a charity for each ten pounds lost I am focusing on the ten months until my 50th Birthday. Ten months, ten charities, no cheat days, and going after my fitness goals with the motivation of being the best 50 year old I can be, inside and out.  I will start chronicling this new journey Monday and I will keep going and working harder even through my life struggles, changes, and tribulations. I am truly excited for this new chapter of my blog and I welcome you to join me as I embark on my challenge of my half century mark. 

Much love and light to all and remember you are not a number. You can own your age but do not think you cannot do what you dream of doing because of what time, or the scale tells you. You can do anything as long as you awaken and have the ability to dream. Dream big angels, dream big massive dreams.

Namaste’rosemeeee

Rose

5 ways to survive a crisis

“The best way out is always through”

Robert Frost

Life is beautiful, life is grand, and it is most definitely a privilege to be alive. Nothing is perfect though, and life is a series of hills and valleys. You definitely have to journey through the valleys before you are back on top of that metaphorical hill. I love that quote by Robert Frost, and I said it to myself daily for the last eight months. “The best way out is always through”

We all have our trials and tribulations, and each of our journeys are different. Our destinations may not be the same, but we are all connected through our shared humanity. For me I made sure I practiced a few steps to help me survive and not lose sight of my horizon, my goals and dreams. For me this made all the difference in the world. To be honest, I had a few meltdowns, I am human and with my humanity comes my flaws, scars and all. I make no apologies. It was through my meltdowns that I realized what I needed to do. The current was trying to bring me down, but I refused to drown and instead I chose to stay afloat and tread water until I saw the shore once again.

The dream is the bearer of a new possibility, the enlarged horizon of great hope. 

Howard Thurman

These are the steps that kept me sane and working towards my goals. Now that the murky water is clearing I can say I did not regress, I grew and I am in a better place than I once was last summer. I did not falter, I persevered. You can too. Keep your eye of that horizon and never give up. Hope is a beautiful state to dwell in. Love and light to all. Namaste’ Rose

 

  1. Assess your situation, breathe and take stock on what you need to do to make it better. A crisis can hit you hard and leave you feeling wounded and torn. Have your meltdowns, cry your tears but choose to live in hope instead of despair. After your initial fall stand back up, straighten your back and tell yourself I got this. Make a plan and take flight.birdie
  2. Do not stop working towards your goals and keep your exercise routine, trust me on this one.  I ran a 5K in October with my manager at work Josh, who inspires me. He has ran over 32 marathons and he actually started running because of a personal crisis he was experiencing. I met some amazing friends who have made an impact on my life running in that race, my inspiring friends Stan and John.  If you make plans, stand by your word and follow through. It is not easy but it is very rewarding. We are now planning another 5K in San Francisco on May 1st, and this time we are building a team of other co-workers who were inspired to join us. If I would have quit I would be starting all over now, and even more depressed because I let my crisis win.  I had to work a lot more hours than I would have liked, but I chose to walk on my breaks and take every opportunity to move as much as possible. I was averaging up to 25,000 a day. A motivating playlist made it fun. Start downloading music and get moving. Get high on those wonderful endorphins of yours. 27472617-2af2-40e7-adb0-7b717f69ec935k35k4
  3. Eat clean healthy food, drink a lot of fresh water and please rest your body and get out in nature.  Last thing you want is to do is gain weight and feel sluggish through your crisis. You need to feel healthy in mind and spirit to tackle the enormous task in front of you. Dealing with fears and the feeling of uncertainty is a lot worse when you are putting trash into your system, dehydrated and running on next to no sleep.  Would you litter? Pour oil into the ocean? Treat your body like you would the earth. Nurture it, water it, and let it grow. You need all the energy to get through this. A clean diet, lots of water and rest and recreation in the outdoors is the way to go. Like Nike tells the world, just do it.  I lost almost 15 lbs since the new year began. Below is my before and now.  2013, and 2016. Get outside and let the cool wind blow through your hair, it is the best therapy. We go to the coast to find our center, find your beach and breathe.pescadero212742839_1088819611163504_1748115292959977888_n
  4. Have a positive mantra. I have a few mantras that I said in my head over the last few months, and one my husband and I shared with each other daily. Of course I kept saying my favorite Robert Frost quote ” The best way out is always through” I also had a song that was my mantra, its a silly song but I love it. Remember the band Chumbawamba? They are a British alternative band most famous for their positive and uplifting song Tubthumping.  It’s title you will may not remember, but the lyrics will bring it all back. “I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down.” I sang this song in my head, I ran to it, I listened to it during my commute. The last mantra my husband James started in the new year. He began each day with “Today is a good day” and ended it with ‘Today was a good day and tomorrow is a good day.” I am a firm believer in the law of attraction, and he attracted positive energy our way. He focused on the good even on the rough days. We are all magnets, so attract the positive into your life. Today is a good day. Say it, believe it to be true and it will be.12715355_10153861692433617_9154185607114484018_n
  5. Be extra kind to others, smile a little more, exude happiness, giving and love. This is so true, I went through my days being kind to strangers despite my despair and you know what, it helped me more than it could have helped others. I went to work happy and smiling when it was the last place I wished to be. If you are grumpy you will only attract that negativity back at you. I smiled more, shared more of myself, and I gave back a little more. I continued to volunteer and donate through my own personal struggles, and I met some awe inspiring people doing it. If you are kind and happy you will attract kindness and happiness. Such a simple step to the path of happiness and to help you bear your crisis with a little more grace. Be a Susie Sunshine even if you are surrounded by Debbie Downers. You may find your uplifting attitude changes those around you. “You must be the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi charity

 

 

 

NEW YEAR, NEW ME

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?

Frida Kahlo

 

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Happy New Year to all. If you have been following me in the last six months I have been in a crisis, and I let that crisis get in the way of all of my goals. I gained about 15 lbs in two months just by not working out and eating unhealthy. It was a lesson learned, and now I am back on track with a vengeance. I will no longer have crisis complaints, instead I am going to look at my crisis as a challenge. I am working a lot more hours to make more money, but I am now finding time for my workouts and healthy eating.

When I am on my half hour work break I choose to go power walking and run stairs instead of sitting around. I am packing healthy meals and snacks, and I am totally back to clean eating. My Benderfitness workouts will be timed in the morning before I get ready for work. On my first day back I aimed for over 25,000 steps and I made my goal. I also signed up for a diet bet hosted by Melissa Bender Fitness. I win money if I can lose 4% of my body weight by the end of January. I got this, no more crying in my coffee.

I have decided this will be the best year ever, and I am tackling a lot of different goals and resolutions which I will write about in future posts. This week is a full week of work and workouts, plus I am volunteering Wednesday at the Second City Harvest in San Jose, and I am delivering more donations my co-workers kindly donated for the less fortunate. No matter how bad things get, there is a way out back into the light. Helping others is a way to see the bigger picture of life. I like to step outside of my own little world and see what is happening in the universe around me. It is humbling and enlightening. New Year, New Attitude. Everything is a blessing, and I am going forward with gratitude and a good mood. My feet feel like wings when I am flying high on Endorphins.You can fly too. 

Happy New Beginnings to all.

Love and Light,

Namaste’

Rose

 

LEVELS OF LOW

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Humility, that low, sweet root, from which all heavenly virtues shoot.

Thomas Moore

 

I used to think I was too lucky to be so happy-go-lucky.  I would wake up happy for no reason. Nothing would get me down. I was just happy to wake up, grateful for my morning breath as well as my morning cup of steaming coffee. I could say I am an optimist, but let’s be honest here. I am a part-time optimist when things are going in my favor. It is easy to be breezy when life is going well with no complications. Part of my happiness has been haunted by this little apparition standing behind me taunting me with what if’s. It is one of the reasons I avoid trips to the doctor. What if the rug is pulled out under my feet? What if this natural state of euphoria I live in is a hoax or a false reality? What if something happens to test how optimistic I really am? What if I am just a walking, talking fraud? What if?

I have been in a crisis for quite some time now. My crisis came to a crescendo when I stopped working on my goals. I just stopped in November. I stopped working out, I stopped running, I stopped eating healthy and I stopped hoping.  The stress was manageable until I stopped being me and working on everything I had been so proud of for the last few years. Stress and his sidekick anxiety grabbed me by the lapel, shook me until I was left humbled and left me with bigger problems to face. Weight gain, depression, anxiety. It is easy to indulge your inner pessimist and wallow in your woes when you surrender way too easily. The hard part is fighting back.  The biggest challenge is to kick depression and anxiety to the curb, escape their dark clutches and find your way back into the sunlight. That is where it is warm, that is where you can reboot and find the answers you seek. Hope is seen in the refection of the sunlight dancing off the pavement. Go there and try to hear the music.

I stayed home tonight to deal with some pressing personal issues, and I realized even though I am not yet doing what I love full-time, doing a job that is a means to an end is a gift and definitely not a given. I am blessed to work in a place that is lively, where the people are kind and sincere and genuinely care about each other. Staying away does not help my cause, it just hinders it. I need to face that music I spoke of, fight back my demons and be grateful for every light filled opportunity I have to better our lives. We all have a little meek in us, as well as a little mighty.  Here I am, a new published author and a waitress, both are equally important to me.

We are human, and we all face certain hardships from time to time. There is dirt below our toes that keeps us literally down to earth. I realized this as I was watching the news, and seeing people in crises far worse than my own and I felt shamed. Young and old battling diseases and health problems, tornadoes, tragic accidents. It is an old cliché’ but it could be worse. There are levels of lows, and barometers of strength.

I have been up and down, and with a new dawn and a new year approaching I am going to find my way back up to the top of the cliff. That is where I can feel closest to the sun. If you need me in 2016 I will be basking in the promise of tomorrow with my brand new sun-kissed outlook. Back to my working out and all of the goals that I chose to chase when I began this blog. I look forward to getting high on endorphins and on life.

I am a work in progress but the sun will rise tomorrow, and it gives each and every one of us another chance to start over. I will rise up with the sun and take each and every new beginning that comes my way. I may not be perfect, but I am breathing; there is coffee brewing and all is well with the world.

With love and light

Rose

 

 

STARTING OVER

“The splendid thing
about falling apart
silently…
is that
you can start over
as many times
as you like.”
Sanober Khan

It’s been over two years since I have embarked on my quest to make a better life through weight loss, fitness and philanthropy. I lost a significant amount of weight during that time, but I gained so much more by being healthy, challenging my body and mind, and giving back to others and meeting new and wonderful friends. What happens when you take the E out of Ego? You are left with the word go. Go for it, go after your dreams, go help others. A body in motion stays in motion, and a body at rest stays at rest. This is newtons law, or to me the definition of Go.
This post is not about the benefits of my weight loss journey, but about the last six months of my life. It doesn’t take long for a unexpectant twist to turn your life upside down. I held it together when we had to leave my beloved city of angels for the city by the bay in October 2014, but a personal earthquake shook the foundation that built my blog and goals last July. San Francisco is an amazing place to be, and I am grateful. It is also a difficult place to go through a crisis, as it it can be cold and unforgiving.

Stress from a crisis can create havoc and chaos in your life, and can make following your routine and goals a challenge. Before you know it your strength starts to dwindle and you feel like you have no joy. For me my crisis turned into a cheat day that lasted two months. That led to not feeling well enough to workout. This led to feeling ill and slow. In just two months I felt like all of my hard work was in vain. I was left with depression about the crisis, and my body had followed my mood. With two weeks until the new year my husband suggested I let go of any food related guilt, enjoy the holidays and start fresh once the clock turned midnight at the brink of 2016. He knows me, he also knows you cannot keep me down for long. To be kind to myself and begin anew when the next year begins. I can personally say this from experience, if your crisis has not left you a bit depressed, undoing all of your hard work and gaining weight will result in depression. My advice if you are in a crisis, just don’t let it stop you. Not even for a weekend. Have a cheat meal, but please make it only one. How I feel now is going to make my 2016 goals all the more challenging, because now I have to correct the mistakes I made in the last few months and begin anew. I backtracked.

 

 

“Sometimes life takes unexpected turns. Sometimes we hide the very core of our existence because we fear the judgment of others. Sometimes the universe shifts and we are provided with a brief moment to begin anew. These moments allow us to become fearless and let our perfectly created souls shine.”
Cori Garrison, New Beginnings

So here I am, and I decided to write about what happens when you leave your healthy lifestyle to the wayside, and succumb to stress and the modern American way of living. I’m considering using these last two months as an experiment if you will. Sometimes you have to veer off course for a while to find where you ultimately belong.

 

 

I have never been an over eater, but eating processed and unrefined foods for more than a few days is all it takes for my body to regress. My body and mind feel much better when I’m eating clean whole natural foods. I have noticed some side effects from my sabbatical from my healthy lifestyle. Here are the five things that occurred after my two months off.
1. My heart races when I eat processed carbohydrates. My energy is lacking and I seem to crave more sleep.
2. My confidence starter to take a nose dive. I felt bloated and I could feel the ten pounds I put on. My clothes were slightly tighter and bra was a little tighter.
3. My joints started to ache more. Could it be because of the processed carbs and excess gluten I was consuming? I have headaches and stomach aches more frequently.
4. After just ten pounds I felt like I was a little winded quicker when I exercise.
5.my skin started to look a little duller and I looked paler than usual and my hair is a bit drier.  This was probably due to the lack of protein In my carb laden diet. I also think my new bad habit of reaching for diet soda has me consuming a lot less water than usual, so I am probably dehydrated.
To sum up, I could never eat like this forever and I’m really looking forward to the New Year and getting back on track, I actually plan on getting a head start for the new year and having my Christmas Dinner be my last splurge.  I miss my healthy meals,  my kale drinks, my ten portions of fruits and vegetables with lean protein and minimal grains. I miss the way I feel when I treat my body as a temple and not as a garbage can. I’m actually grateful for these last two months because it opened my eyes to how I do not wish to live my life and why I work so hard to be the best me ever. Yes it feels good to look good and value your appearance but at the end of the day it just feels great to be healthy and feel ageless. I always say to people, and now I am saying it to myself. It is just food, and those treats will be there tomorrow. Food can be healing, or it can make you feel sick. At the end of the day how do you wish to live your life? Feeling vibrant and alive or slow and stuck. I choose to be alive, and fuel my body with the food that is healing and nourishing to my body.
I am not a failure, I am a work in progress. I slipped and I fell, but I stand again and again until I get it right. It has been raining here for days, and the clouds finally parted and the sun came out to play. I think I may head out and join the sun on a run. Nothing like fresh air and moving your body to remind yourself you still walk among the living
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Get busy living, or get busy dying
The Shawshank Redemptionoldman
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I hit rock bottom. Here’s what happened.

 

meme1

I hit rock bottom, landed on the scale and gained nine pounds in November.  My rock bottom came to a crescendo last Sunday night. After a month of stress and too many cheat days ( plus Thanksgiving)  I dove head first into a dead lasagna that was sitting in the window at work.  If you have been reading my blog for two years I wait tables for extra money, and lately I am working a lot more than usual. The stress of things in life finally got to me, and all of a sudden I was craving the kind of foods I only eat once or twice a year. Pasta is a no-no for me, and frankly I do not even want it and everyone is always marveled by my willpower of steel. I knew I was in trouble when I started wanting pasta  more and more in November. This is not a good thing when you work in an Italian Restaurant and have to serve it every day. One little cheat turned into another and all of a sudden I am grabbing for a lasagna that was past its prime. I was mindless eating, no joy, not a special occasion cheat that I earned and savored; but just eating because it was there and I needed to ease the pain of my temporary worries and stresses.   I came crashing down from a month of nonsensical eating like an addict after a high. For me it was my first real low point in two years after my 60 pound weight loss and all of my fitness accomplishments. I hit rock bottom, got on the scale the very next day and immediately gained my composure and will power. Being human is a tough gig.

Cue December 1, 2015 and a reality check, I  gained  9 lbs. My first weight gain since I began my project and blog. I had maintained my weight loss for two years and was working on my fitness goals and eventually my weight loss goal of 135 lbs. In November I lost control. It happened so quickly I hardly knew what hit me. I do know this, the minute I got on the scale and saw where my month of excess of unhealthy food led me, I snapped back into gear. Mind you, I have never been a overeater and I never considered myself an emotional eater. I have rarely been a binger, but for me choosing high calorie, fattening, carb ridden foods over healthy foods was all it took for me to put on some weight. My first clue is when my bra was a little tighter. Then I knew, and I knew it was time to face the music. The music sang loud and clear, you  gained 9 lbs. The scale is a cruel wake up call but a necessary bitter pill you must swallow before 9 lbs turns into 60 lbs. I caught myself before it is too late. The honesty of the scale diminished any cravings I had. I was back.

Today I begin anew. I am doing a Melissa Bender Fitness 30 day challenge and I am back to eating clean and watching my portion control. I am going to run again as well. I have not been on a run since since my 5K in October. I am also doing one charity per month now, until my scale moves in my favor. In November I collected donations for the Second Harvest Food Bank and volunteered with my friend Stan and his hiking/running/meetup group at the Second Harvest Food Bank in San Jose. Stan is such an inspiration to me, and he has run over 20 marathons. For me this blog began blending my weight loss and fitness goals with  giving back to charity, and now I continue that by doing one charity a month and get back to what works for me. I am far from over.

charity

In life I do not ask for advice, I am always going to do what I feel anyway. I look for inspiration. Inspiration is all around us, and learning from others never gets old. Sometimes inspiration comes from unlikely sources, but you must listen and have an open heart. I am happy to say I am surrounded by inspiration always, from family, from friends, from strangers I meet on my travels. Here’s to better days ahead and the inspirational people who accompany me on my journey. Love and light to all. 

There would be no cloud-nine days without rock-bottom moments left below.     — Richelle E. Goodrich

Namaste’

Rose