Tag Archives: overcoming eating disorders


Comfort in the form of fruits and veggies

I am about to ramble on about food issues. Today was a challenging day, I have plateaued and it is frustrating me. On top of that I was out and about today and I walked past a sub shop and came this close to giving in. Instead I ducked out of the rain and had a few sips of a Starbucks Hot Cocoa and threw the rest in the trash. I feel a bit on the brink of being out of control. I ate a baked potato tonight and I am even guilty about that. It is that eating disorder devil that sits on my shoulder every now and then and taunts me. Food is an issue with me and I have been trying to eat more but I admit it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I have been adding a second morning light meal and I am not sure I should continue to do so. I have thought about going low carbohydrate for a few weeks to mix things up.

I did a yoga class and I am about to get on the treadmill now. I need to work through this food anxiety. The thing with me is I normally do not give into food cravings, and I rarely have them. Today I just felt overwhelmed and could have been on the brink of overeating.  Weigh in is a few days away and it does not escape me that I am struggling just to make it into the 160’s and my final goal is 130. I am still a good four pounds away from my next charity. 

So I am off to do the treadmill, and hopefully work out some of this negative banter within my chaotic mind. I will be in Phoenix soon and I want to go feeling confident and strong and in control.

 Here is my food journal for today. In addition I drink tons of water. I think tomorrow I will have the tuna minus the rice and skip the oatmeal and instead have some egg whites. No potato, especially at night.

7 am
1 ThinkThin high protein bar
1 banana
coffee non dairy cream and 1 tsp sugar

10 am
1 packet sugar free oatmeal

sushi, 1 tuna roll with rice, tuna, avocado, ginger, wasabi

5 pm
a few sips of Starbucks Hot cocoa

One baked potato, with 1 tsp light butter, and 1 tsp fat free sour cream
1 97% lean burger 110 cal
romaine, celery, onions, carrots, cabbage with vinegar

I feel today was a bit much for me, I am scaling it down tomorrow.

Good Night to all
Sweet Dreams


I will be a steadfast and strong in my endeavors as this majestic tree.
Graceful and timeless.

Good afternoon and Happy Saturday to all. This week was a little different from my routine, I kept up all of my exercise and yoga, and I even got a ballet class in. I was out of town last weekend, so that through a wrench in my routine so to speak, and my trainer Mike was out of town this week.  Last week I was so happy I lost 3 more pounds bringing my weight loss up to 35 lbs. I am due for that monthly visitor, it is the end of the month and I gained 2 pounds. I know the scale goes up and down and I refuse to be upset. A few weeks the scale goes down and all of a sudden it goes back up. It is natural and since I am decided to focus on my fitness I am not going to stress about it. Scale fluctuations happen especially for my women of my age.

I will in shame admit I did something yesterday that was stupid and may have contributed to my small gain. I fell back into a day of eating disorder mentality. I hardly ate any real food on Friday and I did not drink enough water. I woke up with a headache and I realized that is the most stupid and insane thing to do ever to your body. I am a work in progress and I am not perfect but I am growing and learning from this project. To admit my mistakes, trials and tribulations is not an easy thing to do. I have opened up therefore I will be completely honest with everything I do, the good and the bad. I will not do that again, I promise myself this. The only way to healthy loss is to eat clean and not skip meals, exercise and be patient. Rome was not built in a day and losing weight is a marathon and not a sprint. I slipped up one day, caught myself and now I am back on track the healthy way.

This week my focus is on my nutrition and trying not to skip meals, and on my fitness progress. I also have to so some more research on future charities and giving back endeavors. Mike is back in town this week so I will be back to my Tuesday and Thursday workouts with him, and I am joining Francie Wednesday at Equinox in Beverly Hills, in addition to everything else I am doing. I am off for now, time to eat some healthy whole foods that nourish my body and well as my spirit. Taking a moment to meditate and manifest all that is good in the universe.

Love and Light and Happy Weekend


My best friend Melissa Bender from Melissa Bender Fitness knows all about my past issues with eating disorders, and the fact that the warped mentality tends to sneak up on me from time to time. I have not starved since my twenties, and I have been pretty much ok. Dieting and eating healthy sometimes brings out the obsessive dieter out of me, and she told me I could be developing Orthorexia.  This was over one year ago when she thought she saw the signs in me.

Now that I am doing this project, of course old habits die hard and I can see the signs once again. I recognize it therefore I will correct it. I thought I would include a definition of what exactly Orthorexia is.  The panic I felt after eating two garlic knots was not normal, and I admit that and I plan to lighten up a bit on myself and my healthy diet. Splurges every now and then keep you on track if you do them in moderation. Usually Orthorexia comes on after one has dealt with Anorexia or Bulimia, but sometimes those who have never suffered from an eating disorder can develop Orthorexia. I have a history, but that history does not define my present or my future. I am a work in progress, and I will not let my chaotic mind bully my body or my spirit. I will forge forward with this project, helping others along the way; without succumbing to hurting myself or my self esteem in the process. I will not travel down the path of eating disorder mentality, I  will choose to stand in the crossroads and walk the opposite way.

Yesterday was my weekly workout with Mike, and my running is improving. I ran twice around the park and I did a lot of walking as well. My breathing still sounds heavy but I am definitely improving. We did the TRX and I can feel the sensation of my hard work this morning. I am sure by the time I go to yoga tonight I will be sore. I am very grateful to him for the expertise and for sticking with me as I work towards being in the best shape for me. I am becoming so much stronger, it has now been three months. I feel empowered and the workout definitely helped me deal with the negative food thoughts I had the night before. I am woman, hear me roar,lol. Tonight is my Iyebgar Yoga class with Vladamir at Yogaworks. I love yoga and I have transformed into a true yogi. Wishing you a beautiful day, full of every opportunity life offers you. Good Morning Life.

Namaste’ Love and Light

Taken from Wikipedia

Orthorexia nervosa (also known as orthorexia) is a proposed eating disorder or mental disorder[1] characterized by an extreme or excessive preoccupation with avoiding foods perceived to be unhealthful.[2][3]The termorthorexia derives from the Greek ορθο- (ortho, “right” or “correct”), and όρεξις (orexis, “appetite”), literally meaning a correct diet. It was introduced in 1997 by Steven Bratman, M.D., to be used as a parallel with other eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa. Orthorexia is not mentioned in the widely-used DSM[a], but was coined by Bratman[4] who claims that in rare cases, this focus may turn into a fixation so extreme that it can lead to severemalnutrition or even death.[5] Even in less severe cases, the attempt to follow a diet that cannot provide adequate nourishment is said to lower self-esteem as the orthorexics blame themselves rather than their diets for their constant hunger and the resulting cravings for forbidden foods. [6]