Tag Archives: life’s journeys

STARTING OVER

I Have taken to grinding my teeth, which means I have a lot of stress to deal with.  In the last six months I lost my way on this blog and my weight loss journey; my Mother’s passing, a move away from California and a very sick cat left me with thirty extra pounds. I did the unthinkable, I gained half my weight back. This post is not to complain about the changes and stress that I encountered. This post is me facing my weight gain and getting back to blogging and losing weight. I know what to do, it just took me a while to find my way back to me. Half the battle is facing the music head on, admitting it happened and making the necessary changes to get back on track. My name is Rose and I went from 159 lbs in May of 2017 to 189 lbs as of Today November 29th 2017. For the sake of blogging I am going to say I am 190 it is easier to manage the numbers.

Today is my real day one, I am starting over.  I am going to lose my first ten pounds of the thirty I gained. I am going to do my food drive when I lose the ten pounds. I am back to committing to a charity and committing to myself and my health. I couldn’t be more motivated. It took me six months to get here but here I am, ready to get to work. Each day I workout and eat healthy I will collect a can to be donated when I lose my first ten pounds.

How am I going to do it? How did you do it? These are questions I am often faced, but I am in unfamiliar territory having had the moment when I slipped up and lost my momentum. I spent six months eating foods on a regular basis that normally I would only eat as a treat. I also ate a lot of carbs. I know my body and what diet works best for my body type. This is not my first rodeo. I am doing what I always did successfully but I am doing a do over.

Exercise, I am doing cardio mostly walking nightly on the treadmill after work with my husband James. We call it date night. We are getting healthy together and getting back eating mostly plant-based and lower carbohydrate and some lean protein for me. I am also doing body weight exercise based workouts from Melissa Bender Fitness and in a few weeks when I feel ready I plan to tackle the machines at the gym. I plan to run three times a week and Yoga and stretching to round it out. I am also working a server job again, which helps because it is an active job and I can bring home healthy salads and fish dishes.

Here it goes, I got on the scale, all the Thanksgiving leftovers are gone. I have my challenges but that is life. Dealing with my weight gain head on with diet and working out will only help me with these challenges. I also plan to post more often, and some posts will just be quick updates with no fancy writing. I plan to plan to be here and be accountable. Less photos for now and more of the struggles we all face. I will save my writing for publications and photos for when I start losing again. For now it is all about the hard work. I have a slow computer and my goal is to be here and get it done and get to work on my fitness. There will be time later when I get a faster pc for more photo uploads when I start losing again. No excuses.

There is no shame in admitting you stumbled, there is no shame in admitting you fell on your face. Can you get up? Stand back up? Fall nine, get up ten. I am getting back up, my self esteem is bruised but soon it will heal.

After all, we are all human. I found out how human I really am. I also remembered feeling strong, fit and healthy feels better than eating pie.

Love and Light, 

Namaste’

Rose

 

 

TRANSITIONS IN WEIGHT LOSS

Transitions in weight loss and gaining some weight back. Pick yourself up, pick up the pieces, pick up your weights. Transitions in weight loss happen, just pick it back up where you left off. Continue the journey, you got this.

Starting Weight 220

Lowest weight loss 159

Weight Gain, Current Weight 179 

Goal Weight 130-135 By Summer

Last night I woke up from a dream. I must have been at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Sunset Blvd near where I lived in West Hollywood. It was so real and so vivid that I woke up and decided I would go there today to work on my writing projects. Than I realized where I was and that made going there impossible. I was dreaming but awake.

I find myself living in this beautiful little community right outside of Houston Texas, and after everything James and I have been through I am grateful to have the opportunity to pick up all the broken pieces, to pay the debt from when James was unemployed. I miss West Hollywood but I have to focus on the now for now.  I can either wallow in self pity or get back to being the best me I can be, and do it here in Houston.

As I begin this blog again just like when I began in 2013 I took a new waitress job, and I am assuming it will be my last. This job is going to be a learning curve for me as far as managing my time to do my outside pursuits. As my Mother Shirley would say, suck it up kid. We need two incomes to be able to get us back on track. So this autumn I need to find a way to work on my goals and manage a full time server job. The gym in my complex is open 24 hours so I should be ok. I also plan to do all of this and some writing projects  and do it with a smile. 

If you find yourself in hot water, make like a kettle and sing. I am singing today, my official day two. I am also saying goodbye to my former self, the summer me who gained a few pounds and was just a little lost. Today is my day two and I am ready for a better version of me. I am using the lose it app to keep my portions and calories in control and writing up my ten goals for the month of October. I think slipping up one time in four years is not too bad. So here I am, downloading my running playlist, singing and cooking healthy food. Today I am making soup, here is the recipe I am making tonight. It is autumn and even though it is still so hot here James loves soups and football.

How To Make Vegetarian Split Pea Soup

 

Ain’t no use in complaining when you got a job to do. Bryan Adams

I have a lot of jobs to do but I like it that way. 

Namaste’

Love and Light

Rose

TYING THE STRINGS BACK TOGETHER

If you follow me you know since April my the strings in life started to unravel. I was able to have much weight loss success despite personal struggles because I was in control of the struggles in my life. I couldn’t control what was to come. My Mother passed away and my husband James took a position in Houston Texas and soon we left West Hollywood for Houston. It was our third move since 2014 and a big one at that. The summer for me was healing and not much else. I somewhat lost what I was working on as I tried to heal myself from the inside out. I also became vegan which was a transition for me. I since decided for now I will be vegetarian.

Today is the Autumn Equinox and day one of the second chapter of my weight loss blog, my official restart and my weigh in. I am not looking back now, I am only looking forward. For the relaunch of this blog my focus will be on health, wellness, fitness and goals. I still plan to sponsor a charity with each ten pounds I lose but I also will make a list of goals for each month beginning in October. There is going to be a give-a-way on my Facebook page, and I also promise to commit to posting if not every day every other day.

I am all in again, like I was in 2013 when I began this blog. I will not let WordPress struggles or life get in my way. I will be here and present even when things are not going my way. I will be raw, honest and forthright. I am putting all of myself out there beginning with my first weigh in today. I went from 159 to 179 in 5 months but that is ok, I got this and there is no shame in my game. 

I am human, I am me and today I am moving forward. Fall nine times, get up ten.

 

FULL CIRCLE

20472165_10155431492018617_1161137351_nWe start fresh, we get excited. We go all in, gung ho and high on our new quest. Life comes in and decides to shake us up a bit. We stumble and fall from the personal earthquake that is our life,  After the last aftershock ceases we stay still in fear and our own perceived failures, we stop moving forward. Eventually we circle back, all things are connected even our goals and the obstacles that seem to keep us at arms distance from our destination. We circle back, eventually everything comes full circle, even us.

I am in the process of circling back and finding my way. This week was my first weigh in since I dropped the ball on my fitness and weight loss journey. The ball bounced upward in my favor, as I lost five of the thirteen pounds I gained and now it is also time to re-commit to my fitness routine.

My fitness routine to begin is this:

walking every day except on my running days- one hour or more

Running three times a week

Melissa Bender Fitness 3 times a week

Sneaking in stretching and yoga to help me succeed.

Seems simple and I think it is something I can sustain as my body starts to bounce back.

Are you with me, are you circling back after dropping the ball on your goals? We are all connected, let’s circle back together.

Namaste

Love and Light

Rose

 

 

 

I FINALLY WEIGHED IN, (here is what happened)

 

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I like to consider myself unique. I believe in nature vs nurture. I believe my soul comes from somewhere else and this body is just the shell in which I walk my days. Or so I convinced myself.

And then there is home and you. Not the California home I claim as my own, but the city where you raised us. Cleveland, Ohio and a magical childhood despite the struggles, but isn’t life a magical trip? The hardest part of it all is loss. Coming home is truly bittersweet, full of celebration tainted with the sour taste of regret.

My first love, I have been your reluctant twin, believing I am an original when in reality I am just a carbon copy of you. Different but so much the same. You were beauty and fire married with humor and light. I am just the prism reflecting your existence.

I cry uncle, I cry when I don’t want to cry, I cry wolf. I cry.

Birdsong reminds me there is yet another plane to catch, the one thing I should have done long ago. I like to believe you will be flying on the wings of my plane. Drinking Dewars and soda with a Jane Austen novel
In hand; cussing at the flight attendants and causing a beautiful raucous.

In memory of my best friend, My Mother

 Shirley Bruno.

These are the times that try men’s souls.

        Thomas Paine

That quote really speaks to me, ever since we left Los Angeles for San Francisco in the autumn of 2014 my life has been a roller coaster. So many twists and turns that I am surprised I am still standing. After the move to San Francisco my husband James was laid off, a sudden move back to LA, my Mother passing away and another move to Houston would have broken the strongest person indeed. But here I am, sitting in Houston, Texas drinking water and Starbucks in the public lounge of my apartment building and I lived through it all. Here I am, a little worse for wear; with a damn cold and a damaged soul. As soon as my body heals ( my heart will take more time), I plan to get back into my workout and running routine. I plan to jump back into my goals even though I feel at times there is a brick sitting on my chest. Losing a parent is no joke, it is like there is life before the loss and life after. I often wonder if I will return to my jovial self, I often wonder how do people heal from such a tremendous loss. Through it all I made my lowest weight, 159 lbs, and after my Mother passed away I gained 7 lbs which brings me back up to 166 lbs. Time to get back to work. My Mother passing was the only time I fell off the diet wagon, it was the only time I slipped up and gained weight.

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I just returned from my first trip home to Cleveland, Ohio in years. I went for my Mother’s Memorial party and I was reunited with family and my hometown friends. I ain’t gonna lie, this weight loss blogger was not thinking about my healthy diet for the last few months. In Cleveland I think I was on the hometown food tour. My Mother’s Memorial party was a beautiful tribute to everything she was about. My sister Frankie, and her friends Shar and April pulled it off like pro’s and my sister Gina and Rosita out did themselves on the sauce, meatballs, pork and spaghetti. It was wonderful seeing my sisters, my nieces,and my childhood friends and I hope to see them more often. My original girls, my sisters, my loves. Frankie, Dona, Gina, and me. The girls I look up too, all four of them. Each one inspires me to be better and do better just like Mom did.

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So here I am again, navigating yet another home. I have so many goals, and accomplishments I am most proud of to date. I will jump back in and get to work. The first step was stepping on the scale, and I am happy that the damage was not too extreme. Time to begin anew in a brand new city. To be strong and emulate the strongest female I have ever knew, my Mother.

 

WEIGH IN MONDAY

love-your-body-quote

 

Happy Monday to all. Today is Weigh in Monday and I decided to skip my weigh in, and weight til next Monday. Notice the spelling of wait? I need to step away from the scale, scale back from the stress of the numbers. I had a really rough week, and there are some extra stresses at the moment in my life, and I am no stranger to chaos, stress and change. How I will handle these changes will be determined in the weeks to come, but today I am breathing and just taking one moment at a time. That is all you can do anyway.

Last week I went to the ER, fell and injured my knee days later, and had a personal crisis put upon my plate. I did not track my food, I really just lost interest in logging, but I caught myself and today I begin anew, and next week I will jump back on the scale with renewed vigor no matter what the outcome is. One of the keys to losing weight is staying consistent even when life throws you lemons. Take those lemons, make lemon bars and share with others. Kindness to others always makes you feel better when you are down.

I also had a lot of positives happen this week too. I got my hair done and I am so happy with it.

My next story I pitched for Mt Lebanon Magazine was accepted. Here is the link to the first essay they published about me and Melissa from Melissa Bender Fitness. (http://lebomag.com/a-newfound-friendship/) I sent off more submissions to other magazines and websites in regards to my writing, my poetry, and my weight loss story. My book Camellia in Snow, here is the link,  (https://www.amazon.com/Camellia-Snow-Rose-Bruno-Bailey/dp/1515347141/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 )  will be at Books Soup and Vroman’s in May.

Every day is an opportunity for success, even if the success is just a tiny glimpse of success that is to come. Keep dreaming no matter what is going on around you.

Now I wait and look for more places to write for and to submit. If I fall and tumble, I will pick myself off, dust my ego and keep moving forward no matter how slow. When I am down I will write, and when I am up I will run. No matter what life throws at me, I will channel it into something positive. I don’t know where I am going, but I know I am a go getter.

Namaste’ 

Love and Light

Rose

 

CORRIDORS OF LIFE

Good Morning to all, it is Friday and I plan on running today. On my playlist is a song from the group Electric Light Orchestra titled I’m Alive. Each day we awaken is such a gift. If you forget that, maybe you should take a trip to your local emergency room. Nothing puts your life, your personal strife in perspective then spending six hours in the emergency room. I went to the ER this week, and this post is about my experience within those four walls of sickness, healing, anxiety, grief and compassion. My experience left me with gratitude to the Healers, the Doctors, the Nurses, the volunteers, and everyone in health care who chose such a selfless career. My ears could not tune out the agony of pain from the lady across the hall, her young sons by her side trying to console her; the healers trying without success to just make her feel more comfortable. The cries out to her lord were so intense I forgot my own reasons for being there. 

My reason for being there does not matter. My health is fine, my numbers were perfect. I was one of the lucky who got to leave. My husband James and I mused as we were walking through the hallways looking for the exit, that the hallway felt like a maze leading to the escape route back to where life makes sense. Trees and a cool breeze would await us on the other side. Cars, streetlights, people smiling; real life or the reality we all like to live in. What goes on within hospitals is very foreign to many of us, almost like a world within a world. It takes special types of humans to live and work in that center of sickness and healing, and to them I send my gratitude. We walked through the automatic doors hand in hand as if we had a renewed lease on living, never forgetting those who we left behind. Kindness and empathy for others should always be a given.

In yoga we often make an intention in the beginning of the practice, and we may offer up well wishes and healing thoughts for someone we know; for someone who is struggling. I offer this to the lady in the emergency room and her two children who stood lovingly by her side. They do not know me, but I know them. I was just on the other side of the curtain,veiled yet not blind to her suffering. Empathy for the sick and gratitude to the healers.

Namaste’  

Love and Light

Rose

 

 

 

 

I CHEATED ( this is what happened)

It is now common knowledge that the average American gains 7 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day.

Marilu Henner

The dreaded scale after the holidays, how many of you faced it today? I did, and I gained five pounds. I knew I put on a few pounds so I felt there was no reason to avoid the scale. Better to know now, as I begin anew in 2017 with my weight loss and fitness goals.  One of the reasons I feel this happened because I went so extreme on my diet for five months.  than I ate whatever I felt like eating off and on in between Thanksgiving and New Years. I did not plan to eat with abandon, it just happened. I am human.

My plan for my next 10 lb charity is to deliver the blankets I am collecting for the homeless to the Midnight Mission when I lose 10 lbs and finally make it into the 150’s. 159 I am coming for you.

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I am here to tell you one or two cheat meals are ok, but every day cheating for a few weeks left me feeling as crappy as the food I ate. I thought maybe I would feel the joy of the holidays if I indulged, I worked every holiday and I was trying to find my joy elsewhere. This year the holidays lacked sparkle for me. I am here to remind you and remind myself that food is not the answer to happiness. A little moderation is better than an all out binge. It left me feeling empty and not healthy. I felt bloated, ill and my stomach and joints felt off kilter. It did not bring me the joy I was seeking, it did the opposite.

Marilu Henner got it right on the nose, but I was lucky I only gained five pounds since Thanksgiving. Now I have to back track a little, but no complaining. I got this. Lesson learned for the future. Back to the 80/20 rule. Eat healthy almost all the time, but leave room for occasional treats, of course within portion control. 

Life is not linear; you have ups and downs. It’s how you deal with the troughs that defines you.

Michael Lee-Chin

Back to the drawing board, as I sketch the 2017 I envision. I need to do some grocery shopping and I am reading health magazines for ideas. I am on day three of Melissa Bender Fitness 30 day Challenge. ( I am behind so I am doing one round of day two and one round of day three so I can be in sync with Melissa.I am also going to join her and work on my flexibility.  Here is the link. I got 2017 by the collar and I am showing this year whose the boss. Who is with me? Let’s do this. 15870575_10154786151473617_1135422458_n

http://www.benderfitness.com/2017/01/muffin-top-meltdown-body-weight-exercises-to-burn-fat-strengthen-your-core.html

 

CRISIS CHALENGES

It is Thanksgiving week and it never escapes me how lucky I am, despite being in what seems to be a long-term financial crisis. I keep dieting and exercising through my challenges. This week we had yet another disappointment, but I am not going to allow myself to wallow in my woes. I took a moment yesterday, cried in my coffee over conversation with my dear friend Mary. I shared with her some things that concern me about being in a financial crisis as a weight loss blogger. My friend is a fixer type of friend, she is completely giving and the kind of person who tries to come up with solutions to your issues. She is amazing and I am lucky to have her around the corner. I am thankful indeed for all of my friends, family, my husband James and our beloved Siamese cats Rascal and Spanky. I am thankful for life.

I decided to do a quick post and share my thoughts and concerns about being in a financial crisis and how it affects my blog, These thoughts are ridiculous to me when I type them up, but they are my feelings. Being in a financial crisis puts a limit on a lot of spending. If you know me, you know I am more interested in helping others, in reveling in nature than I am about material possessions. With that said, everyone likes nice things, and I am not immune to that fact. If you follow fellow weight loss bloggers and well as fitness bloggers it seems a lot of the things they post I cannot post because of my situation. I feel like I do not measure up. This is not a pity statement, rather a way to get it out and share and to come up with other ways to be a motivational weight loss blogger during my lean time. I love that I said lean, because despite my crisis, I can say I accomplished my lowest weight on my blog. I did it even though there were times I wanted to dive head first in a vat of chocolate cake batter. It has been five months without a cheat day, and I have one more month to go. My workouts are at www.benderfitness.com which are all free. My equipment is weights, a mat and again a pair of worn shoes. Here are my silly concerns and how I am moving past them. I keep moving.a02b9032-b84b-415f-b804-150a63cc676414705636_1268334023212061_7219886695795970552_n

  1. My running shoes have seen their best day. I almost did not go to the last Richard Simmons Slimmons class out of embarrassment. I shared this in a private group, and the beautiful support that came my way through the Slimmons family taught me I am not an embarrassment. Someone even kindly offered to mail me shoes his wife has never worn. That touched me but it was not why I posted it, I just felt the need to vent. I am grateful to him and the whole Slimmons family, and as I type I am sporting my proudly worn Asics. They still feel good when I walk and run, and I am proud of all my steps. I am proud where these shoes have been, and where I am going.15073486_10154639242963617_6508711910709230700_n15078580_10154628087623617_8586468506395100455_n
  2. Instagram is filled with photos of people posting work out gear. I love nice work out clothes too, so I love liking the photos. I cannot do that now, and that is OK. I will find other ways to share my journey. So I am at my lowest weight on my blog and I am not clothes shopping. It will come soon enough, perhaps when I hit my ultimate weight loss goal. For now I keep keeping on and staring as trees as I run in my worn shoes. This gives me something to work for and something to look forward to. Perhaps a fun photo shoot when I finally reach that elusive weight loss goal of 135 lbs. The new clothes can wait, I am refocusing on the work. It is all about the hard work, the health and the wellness. And of course the connections with people.12592393_10153807006948617_2827822076568560780_n
  3. Races. I have done a few and I wish to do more. They are not cheap.  I  hope to run in a race in the new year. In the meantime, I will maybe do a virtual race and ask my followers to run along with me virtually. In 2015 I ran across the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and that was such a high on national 4/20 day. I can find another place to do a run here in LA, some place that really is special. As long as I keep running in my worn shoes I will reach my dream destination. I am a work in progress.unnamed-15
  4. Recipes and Food. Lately I have fallen off the wagon with cooking and shopping for groceries. We are keeping our diet simple, and I eat a lot of my meals at work. I tend to rely on the same fast and healthy options. It does not leave me much time or money to make elaborate recipes and that is OK. We have food, we eat healthy, we are grateful. Tonight I am off and trying a couple of healthier autumn treats. I am going to bake apples and make a baked sweet potato with just a few pecans, marshmallows and banana. I will post these budget friendly recipes. I can do one or two new recipes a week. I love shopping at thrift stores and finding treasures on a dime. This is my vintage Cuisinart food processor that I made black bean brownies with. 13731689_1191796280865836_7205266471736481432_n
  5. My Blanket Drive. I wanted to hold a boot camp to raise blankets for the Midnight Mission in LA for the Homeless. This is my next charity. I ended up sick and I have an injured rotator cuff so this felt like a failure to me. The game may have changed, but the prize is still the same. I am collecting blankets for the homeless and I will continue to do so from now until I deliver them to The Midnight Mission in December. It is getting Cold here in LA and the blankets are needed. Here are my thoughts on blankets for the homeless.http://mychangeforaten.com/1750-2/ I am getting to my goals despite the issues and nuances of life. My best friend Melissa Bender called me Mulan today. I am a warrior fighting my metaphorical huns. Much love and light, I am thankful for you. Happy Thanksgiving to all. Remember to treat your body like a temple but still enjoy life. It is the holiday so it is totally acceptable to indulge and share delicious fare with family and friends. Try to watch your portions and maybe get out for a walk or run. xocirque11

Happy New Day

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Yesterday was the Jewish New Year, and to all of my Jewish friends I wish you abundant blessings and joy. To my non-Jewish friends I send you the same love. Tonight I witnessed people sharing well wishes for the New Year to all, no matter what their backgrounds were. I was completely in awe to see the best in humanity. It does not matter where you come from or what your background is. You can always learn something from other cultures and embrace the celebration and joy of living. I am pleased to say tonight I was inspired.

New Beginnings, I admit I have always been a fan. A chance to reinvent yourself, a chance to start over and try again. Mondays, the beginning of Autumn, Birthdays, The New Year. Every new day is a brand new beginning. Didn’t have a great day yesterday? You woke up breathing today so you get a second chance at it. 

I have been blogging about my weight loss journey, my fitness journey and my charities now for three years. I believe I have experienced many successes but at the same time I struggled with some things; I am human after all, I have flaws. With all the success I had, the 60 lb weight loss, the fitness milestones, the charities I helped, sticking to a strict diet, there are also some things I feel I failed at. In life we tend to look at our failures and not our successes. In the last two years I experienced a whirl wind of change, a lot good and some not so good.  A sudden move to San Francisco and a move back to Los Angeles. I now find myself back to where I began this journey and inspired by the Jewish New Year to start again on what I consider to be one of my failures. How perfect to embrace the newness of the holiday and give myself another go at it. Every one you encounter has a lesson to share. Are you listening?

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I keep up my fitness, I get out and run and walk every day. I workout all the time. My diet is on point. My failure is that I never made it through Melissa Bender 12 week Bikini Prep schedule. I somehow always get sidetracked and I end up just doing what I learned from my former trainer Mike and Melissa Bender, basically a mish mosh of exercises. I always wanted to make it through all 12 weeks. I have been going strong on my six month diet challenge with no cheating but I have come up short on this particular goal of mine. So inspired by the Jewish New Year and a brand new Monday, today I begin anew and start over the 12 week program. The timing is perfect and If my calculations are correct I should be wrapping up this goal along with my diet goal by the time I reach my 50th birthday 

http://www.benderfitness.com/bikini-competition-workouts-12-week-program

 

Today is day one. I do have an injury so I will do everything but also modify what I cannot do with my shoulder. I also have some physical therapy exercises I will work on. I admit I lost a lot of strength when I hurt my shoulder. Of course I am going to commit to running regularly and work on my yoga practice.

I am also committing to writing more on this blog like I did for the first year. I am going to document everything on this journey, the good, the bad and everything in between. I am far from an after, but a work in progress. I am planning my next charity and I will be posting the official announcement for Beach Blanket Bootcamp this week. I am collecting new blankets for the homeless and the Midnight Mission. The official date is November 12th at noon. More details this week. You can read about my project in the link below the photo. I finally made my lowest weight in 20 years. Now, that is a success.

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http://mychangeforaten.com/1750-2/

I love Hope

I love New beginnings,

I love dreams and all creatures of the universe.

I love life.

A quote from one of my favorite movies, The Shawshank redemption

Red: I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

I love Hope. Happy New Beginnings to all.

Namaste’

Happy New Year, Happy New Day

Rose