Tag Archives: life’s curve balls


It rained again today, and my mood  is mimicking this dismal weather of late. I was walking home from my commute and a car splashed me with rain water, as I carried my wet broken bag of groceries home, soaked if not by rain water but by my own falling tears. I did not feel like myself.  I admit I miss the eternal sun of Los Angeles, the smiling faces of the people of West Hollywood. Since this move from LA to The San Francisco Bay Area I have not been the same. I am being challenged in a way I have not been challenged since I began this project and blog. My husband James is working a high stress position and with that comes a lot of hours at the office, and I am also forced to work a lot more due to the insane cost of living here. I wait tables for extra money and the place I am working now is a lot more hours, and a lot more physical than I have done in quite some years. I still have not picked the poems for my poetry book, nor have I had my injured toe looked at. I have put myself last once again.

I am having a hard time balancing my blog, my fitness, and my new lifestyle that I have built for myself in the past year and a half. I feel my spirit is slipping away from me, and in it’s place is this shell of a person working for a pine colored piece of paper. My shoulder aches from the heavy cumbersome trays and my heart is following suit. I was on the train today reading Yoga Journal and all I wanted to do is sign up for Yoga Teacher Training. My goal is to eventually get to all of my fitness milestones and work in fitness. I felt incredibly melancholic that I was off to, excuse my slang, “sling hash” to the masses vs. going to work to do something I love.  Do not get be wrong, I am blessed to be able to earn the extra money we need to live here but I was worried my project would be sacrificed due to having to find a new routine with a lot more hours and strain on my body. I actually had a meltdown, full blown cry me a river of tears kind of meltdown.

There was a dog loose at the train station, running in the rain  away from his owner. I tried to help catch him, as did everyone but he kept running so fast no one could keep up. On my way home he was still running, and animal rescue was after him with a net. Poor pup was terrified and running with no where to go. I often feel like that when I work a ton of hours, like I am running an endless marathon to  empty destinations. I pray they catch him and he is now safe, dry and home with his family. Running away isn’t always the best option, for animal or human. I am searching myself for that balance of freedom and routine.

So here I type away, sharing some of my issues as I maneuver my mind and body within this new home of mine. A good friend of mine today gave me wonderful advice. Her name is LorenaLopez@Buzzforbrands. She told me it is ok to feel bad, just don’t live there. So here I am feeling bad for a moment or two, but I will pick myself off, stretch out the worn muscles and heal my heart and find my way back home.The only home I have known, the home of love, light and endless possibilities







I have to remind myself how far I have come
even if some numbers are still high
I am not a number
I am a soul
with a body
I am trying to train

I cheated and had pizza. I hardly ate all day and decided to splurge when my husband ordered pizza. If you have followed my journey in the past year I have rarely deviated from my diet and lifestyle. 

I am going through some struggles at the moment and I gave in. This is not a weekend long splurge, just one meal and one time. I am trying to figure somethings out and make a plan. Next month is my one year Anniversary of this blog and I will get past the minor setbacks that are occurring in my life and make all of my goals a reality. I am not down or out, I just have to set the bar higher and work harder. I will be seeking balance as I try to accomplish multiple goals.

If I was not feeling bad already I had to go and throw salt on my open wounds. I finally had my fat percentage and measurements done today. I never did them a year ago so I do not have a starting point to compare them to. I was highly disappointed and I felt like all of my accomplishments of the year were taken away. I felt like I was back at square one. My total fat was 40%. I thought, wow, what the hell was it to begin with? My lower abs were 37, (high) my arm 12, my hips 42 and my thigh was 25. The guy at the gym was rushed for time and only did the right side of my body. He did not do around my upper waist around my rib cage so I did that, and that was 32.  According to an online BMI chart mine is 30.1 
The numbers really left me feeling down, especially with my personal issues I am dealing with now. I almost cried in my coconut water.

A friend once told me life is compromised of hills and valleys. I am stuck in a temporary valley at the moment, but I will climb out even if my fingernails end up bloody and torn, because I will believe that I can. I have come a long way in the last year and I will not let some little occurrence derail me and leave me stranded down in some creak in the bottom of a valley. I will climb high and believe in me. I am a majestic dolphin not a whimpering guppy. I will swim to the surface.

So those are my thoughts at the moment. I have been MIA lately and not been keeping up with my posts. I did volunteer with Reading To Kids last Saturday and I now have two bags of books for the children. I am hoping to have much more when I am finished with the book drive. Volunteering was very rewarding and I feel grateful for the opportunity to do so. I am grateful to friend and children’s author Benjamin Harper for his kind donation of his own books. 

No weigh in tomorrow. I am giving myself a break since I have been stuck at 169 lbs. I was told sometimes deviating from your diet tricks your metabolism so tomorrow I am back on track with some healthy changes. Starting now from square one and working my way towards my Birthday on the Winter Solstice, which is six months from tomorrow. That is the next time I will take my measurements and fat caliber test. 

Love and Light
Never Give Up


I have been preparing for my journey to get to my first ten pound goal so I can sponsor my first charity, The Monday Night Mission.  This is not a lose weight quick scheme but a way to finally get fit, healthy and strong, and to lose weight in the process. I plan to do this the healthy way. I am so up for the challenge, except I did not expect to be playing dodge ball with one of life’s cruel little ways of telling you not so fast kid. The dreaded sick curveball has hit me directly in the face with a somewhat subtle reminder on how important the health aspect of my journey is. Without your health you have nothing. The reminder of the importance of good health  has been stalking me since I found out a dear friend of mine was succumbing to cancer, and I am saddened to say is in his final hours. We  move so quickly through our days, running mundane marathons to empty destinations, often forgetting how fragile life is. Sometimes it takes a harsh reminder to wake us up to the fact we are only as good as our health, and everything else is just the icing on the cake; birthday cakes that is.

My sickness thank goodness is a minor one, some sort of infection. My sinuses are making it difficult to breathe and my lymph node under my right ear is so swollen I can hardly speak or make a sudden move. That little sucker hurts. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow, and I took  today off work so I can sleep it off. Needless to say, my first workout will not be today, neither will I be eating much since I do not have an appetite at all. The plan will have to wait a day or two until I am in the right frame of health to tackle my challenge. Just a minor league curveball if you ask me.

When I wake up from my most needed slumber, I plan to do a yoga sequence to also wake up my muscles. I am in contact with Yogaworks and I am joining this week, but since I am sick and at home I will do what I always do when I am at home; I follow my best friend’s amazing videos. Today I will be doing a 25 minute yoga flow. You can access her fitness blog here. http://www.benderfitness.com/2013/06/25-minute-home-yoga-flow.html
She is not only my best friend but one of my life’s inspirations. 

So to wrap it up I got sick. If anyone knows me I avoid doctors like I avoid sharks in shallow waters, and I always put off going. Tomorrow I promise to go, and most likely get some needed antibiotics that will send me speed walking down the pavement to better health and fitness. Then the real hard work can begin, when I am healthy and physically up for the challenge. In the meantime, rest, fluids, a good book and an easy yoga flow is on today’s to do list.  Namaste’ and good health to all.