Tag Archives: Anorexia Nervosa


Good Saturday Morning to all. I am up early for a weekend, having a light breakfast before getting my cardio in this morning. I am either going to head outdoors and run/walk or head on the treadmill depending on how cool it is when I step outside. I just weighed in, and I lost a half a pound but I am still in the same weight range. It was that time this month, and I admit I ate more sodium than usual and skipped a meal here and there. 

This week I will feed my body the nutrition it needs to get in my five-six days of movement. I have decided to concentrate more on the exercise effort and try not to be such a slave to the scale. I am 175 exactly, and it can be frustrating to have such a slow weigh loss but I know that is ok. Slow is better than not at all, and 175 looks much better to me than 207. This week I will focus on nutrition for fueling my workouts, and strength, flexibility and stamina. I have just challenged myself and I accept and I am raring to go. 

This week was the 30 year anniversary of the death of Karen Carpenter, who passed away from cardiac arrest due to her years of  battling Anorexia Nervosa.  I did not know that earlier this week when I started feeling like I wanted to listen to her melancholy tunes, her haunting melodies are like no other. She had a voice that was one in a million. That made me do a little research about her. When she passed in 1983 little was known about eating disorders. She had suffered from Anorexia for years, and when you see her in photos and live television appearances it is shocking how frail she appears. Now much more is known about the two eating disorders, and sadly her death brought awareness to the diseases. 

When I started dancing at 13, an adult director told me to lose 30 lbs, and that began years of strange dieting and deprivation of food. Ironically enough I began my issues around the same time Karen Carpenter passed away, but I had no idea and that was not what started my battle.

I just wanted to be thin, not realizing I already was thin. I fought my own body type. I am built like Italian women often are, I have curves in my chest and bottom but when I was younger I did not. I did not have breasts, and I thought that was how dancers looked and I continued on with my diligent dieting. Once I starved for four days and took a box of laxatives, I must have been about twenty at the time. When I was 18 a doctor told my Mother I was heading down the dark path of Anorexia, but my weight seemed normal to her for my age and height so it was never addressed. People did not know then what they do now. Now eating disorders are treated similar to problems with addiction. I knew a bulimic girl who attended a 12 step program to help fight her battle.

Here are some younger photos of myself. Note I fought to be in this weight range, my lowest was 100 pounds. I have learned my lessons and now I nurture my temple.

early 20’s

Sister Dona on my left with a friend. I think  was 19, I am totally flat chested, lol.

Mid 20’s too thin and no color at all. The jacket is wearing me, it is all shoulder pads, lol.

Somewhere along the line I stopped the starving rituals, and I really began eating more normally when I met my husband James at the age of 30. I realized I met someone who loved me for who I was, someone who thought I was more beautiful on the inside than the outside. I will never forget the simple moment of going for an ice cream sundae with him in Cleveland, Ohio in 1998. Before he came along I hated eating with someone I was interested in.

Through the years as my weight when up and down I would go back to extreme dieting. I did not starve like I did in my young years, but I would still practice other forms of deprivation and extreme dieting. Now, I have to monitor my potassium. Just the after affects of years of doing that to my body.

Ironically enough I would end up really overweight in 2013. Here I am in 2014, after gaining the most weight ever in 2013 I have lost 33 pounds the sane and healthy way. I am on a path of learning what it feels like to treat my body as a temple, not only for aesthetic reasons but for my health and well being. So, on my weigh in day as I ponder the scale staying almost the same, I will revel in the fact that I am stronger than I was yesterday, and each and every day is a new beginning. With the inspiration of the athletes of the Olympics, and many of my amazing friends I have in my corner I am more motivated now than ever. I will also focus on the gratitude I have for those motivating me as I continue my health and well being journey. I could not go it alone.

Since it is taking some time to get to my next ten pound milestone and my next charity I have decided in the meantime to give more back in between charities. My friend Meagan and I are going back to Alexandria House this coming Wednesday with some delicious goodies for the families who reside there for the Valentines holiday. We are going Wednesday night and staying for dinner. I look forward to the visit and I am thankful again to Seasons 52 for offering to donate mini indulgences to take along with our homemade baked goods. A big thanks to Monica, Chef Jessica, Chef Veronica, Meagan, and all the managers of Seasons 52 in Century City California who have gone beyond to help me give back.

Valentine’s day is all about love.
Off for the day, much love and light to you.
Remember you are a beautiful creature of the universe, just the way you are.


My best friend Melissa Bender from Melissa Bender Fitness knows all about my past issues with eating disorders, and the fact that the warped mentality tends to sneak up on me from time to time. I have not starved since my twenties, and I have been pretty much ok. Dieting and eating healthy sometimes brings out the obsessive dieter out of me, and she told me I could be developing Orthorexia.  This was over one year ago when she thought she saw the signs in me.

Now that I am doing this project, of course old habits die hard and I can see the signs once again. I recognize it therefore I will correct it. I thought I would include a definition of what exactly Orthorexia is.  The panic I felt after eating two garlic knots was not normal, and I admit that and I plan to lighten up a bit on myself and my healthy diet. Splurges every now and then keep you on track if you do them in moderation. Usually Orthorexia comes on after one has dealt with Anorexia or Bulimia, but sometimes those who have never suffered from an eating disorder can develop Orthorexia. I have a history, but that history does not define my present or my future. I am a work in progress, and I will not let my chaotic mind bully my body or my spirit. I will forge forward with this project, helping others along the way; without succumbing to hurting myself or my self esteem in the process. I will not travel down the path of eating disorder mentality, I  will choose to stand in the crossroads and walk the opposite way.

Yesterday was my weekly workout with Mike, and my running is improving. I ran twice around the park and I did a lot of walking as well. My breathing still sounds heavy but I am definitely improving. We did the TRX and I can feel the sensation of my hard work this morning. I am sure by the time I go to yoga tonight I will be sore. I am very grateful to him for the expertise and for sticking with me as I work towards being in the best shape for me. I am becoming so much stronger, it has now been three months. I feel empowered and the workout definitely helped me deal with the negative food thoughts I had the night before. I am woman, hear me roar,lol. Tonight is my Iyebgar Yoga class with Vladamir at Yogaworks. I love yoga and I have transformed into a true yogi. Wishing you a beautiful day, full of every opportunity life offers you. Good Morning Life.

Namaste’ Love and Light

Taken from Wikipedia

Orthorexia nervosa (also known as orthorexia) is a proposed eating disorder or mental disorder[1] characterized by an extreme or excessive preoccupation with avoiding foods perceived to be unhealthful.[2][3]The termorthorexia derives from the Greek ορθο- (ortho, “right” or “correct”), and όρεξις (orexis, “appetite”), literally meaning a correct diet. It was introduced in 1997 by Steven Bratman, M.D., to be used as a parallel with other eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa. Orthorexia is not mentioned in the widely-used DSM[a], but was coined by Bratman[4] who claims that in rare cases, this focus may turn into a fixation so extreme that it can lead to severemalnutrition or even death.[5] Even in less severe cases, the attempt to follow a diet that cannot provide adequate nourishment is said to lower self-esteem as the orthorexics blame themselves rather than their diets for their constant hunger and the resulting cravings for forbidden foods. [6]