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WEIGHT LOSS STRUGGLES

Eating disorders are usually seen as someone who is anorexic and extremely thin, or someone who obviously struggles with bulimia. As a young adult I suffered from eating disorders, I was very thin and dr’s said I was on the verge of anorexia. As time went on my weight stabilized, and it seemed like I was free of my past struggles. I won’t get into much detail of my eating disorder past, this post is about today. 

I have been overweight a few times in my life, the last time before now was in 2013 when I started this blog. Once I got my weight under control it seemed like my obsessive guilty thoughts about food went away, until I gained half my weight back in 2017. When someone looks at someone like me, they never connect I can have an eating disorder. I’ve weighed much more and I’ve weighed much less, but no matter how much I weigh; my eating disorder past comes back when I’m vulnerable and weak, or when life throws me curveballs.

I haven’t been consistent on this blog because I go silent when I struggle.  I’m embarrassed that I’m failing and lost all I worked so hard for. I get motivated and then struggles occur, and again I go silent. I have trouble admitting it’s so hard for me this time around. I’ve been down, then I see people going through much more than me and then I feel ashamed. It’s a vicious circle and I’m desperately looking to get on a more positive path. I want to keep trying until I get it right, I think from now on I’m going to share my ups and downs, my in between and the good and the bad; my middle of my journey. Since January I lost 10 lbs, my current weight is 180. The scale won’t continue to drop until I get myself and my diet and exercise on point consistently. I’m in the gray area, a little stuck and trying to push myself back to living in a Technicolor world.

Food is such a struggle for me. Most people love a good meal, and so do I. The difference is my thoughts about food. I eat healthy most of the time, I probably don’t eat enough. I’m vegan and I eat Whole Foods and plant-based. Once in a while I make a home cooked vegan meal, like spaghetti or a holiday meal. I always overeat spaghetti even if it’s a healthy type of pasta. My husband remarks how good he feels after such a meal, I only feel guilt and disgust. This started again Easter weekend. Special meals make me feel like a failure, so I don’t post here because no one wants to read about someone on a weight loss journey who is faltering. When I eat clean I feel in control, when I eat for pleasure I feel sick after. Not all foods make me feel like this, but spaghetti and holiday meals always leave me on the opposite side of balanced. Afterwards I have trouble getting back on track.

Life has not been smooth here in Texas for the last two years, I won’t get into why but I will say things are really improving. I’m on the verge of really starting over, I just need to get over small hurdles that keep coming my way. My confidence is shot and I need to work on getting it back. I need to work on my food issues, and realized sometimes I can be an emotional eater. I need to get more consistent with all of my workouts because it’s the key to balance. I know what I need to do, I just need to start and not keep stopping. 

Here is a picture of one of my inspirations in life. A beautiful couple I knew from the gym in West Hollywood, CA. She’s a holocaust survivor who’s lived on every continent but one. Every time they saw me they remarked I should be on tv. I always remarked back I needed to lose weight. She always told me embrace your health, when one gets sick they get skinny. Be happy you are healthy. I’m going to really try to work on my health, wellness and fitness. I won’t go silent when I’m struggling. I will try to post the good, the bad and the ugly. I love life-like my friend did, and I’m going to live it as she did and forgive my shortcomings. Love and light to all. 

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

The Shawshank Redemption

 

 

 

INTRODUCING BETHANY

When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Quote unknown

I’m coming out of a low place, similar to when I began this blog. I gained half my weight back and lost the strength and fitness I worked so hard to attain. I held on to it for a while after my move from Los Angeles to Houston, but I was sidetracked when I began waitressing again. I work a lot of hours, and I let my fitness slide. 

Ok, that’s enough of what happened to me then, I’m done looking back. I’m looking forward and towards; fitness, health, strength and flexibility. I’m healing in mind and body and I’m going to lose weight again in the process. My plan is to be the best version of me, a version I believe is somewhere deep inside ready to come out. I’m going to get strong so I can do Melissa Bender Fitness workouts again, lately I can’t keep up. I need one on one guidance to get me there again.

Sometimes you need something and there it is. It’s like it magically appears. My friends and I call it kismet. That’s what happened when I met Bethany a year ago, but it wasn’t until recently that she teamed up with me. She’s incredibly giving, knowledgeable, and high energy. Just what I need to start over. I couldn’t be more grateful to her for helping  me in the second phase of this journey. I really needed someone one on one and so excited to kill it with her teaching me. You can find her on Instagram @bethanator 

Yesterday was our first workout and it was basically a test to see where I am. I will post the breakdown of my workouts when they start to take shape. She really knows her stuff and correct form is so important to her. She is very careful and doesn’t wish to injure her clients, which is perfect for me. We are going to work on weights, flexibility and overall fitness. We are planning on doing some races together. I’m writing my fitness goals down, and I’m sure she will achieve all of her goals. She’s just what the doctor ordered. I couldn’t be more motivated.

Ok, I’m out!! Work calls but work will no longer be my excuse!! I’m in it to win it. So much Gratitude to Bethany, and all the kind people who taught me so much through this journey of mine, then and now. 

No man’s a failure who has friend. 

Frank Capra It’s a wonderful life

Love and Light

Rose


My Fabulous Trainer Bethany

 

WEIGH IN DAY

Happy Monday to all. It is spring and Easter week. A time for rebirth. I weighed in this morning and I stayed at 183 lbs, which is fine for me. My food choices have been erratic and I ate vegan processed foods and skipped meals. I didn’t plan and I realized how important it is to plan going forward. 

I am beginning to do some meal prepping and I started bringing food with me to work, no more eating at midnight after work. I’m really planning on focusing on my nutrition and getting in most of Dr Greger’s Daily Dozen. I’m also keeping a food journal, I started yesterday. 

I’m starting completely over with my weight loss and my fitness journey. My past successes and past failures mean nothing to me now. I’m looking forward and my number one goal is health and fitness. I admit to feeling terrible about gaining half my weight back. My ego is bruised, I feel the f word and it doesn’t feel good. So today I begin with a healthy narrative,  only positive vocabulary. No fat shaming myself, no more feeling like a big fat ugly failure.

I’m focusing on the beauty that is life and the wonderful opportunities I have because I am alive. I’m moving forward with kindness for myself. I live with a kindness motto but I’ve been less than kind to me. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I’m going to really try to be on this blog daily and share everything. 

This was yesterday’s food journal. My work days will look like this, for me it’s easier to keep it simple on my work days. Cooking and experimenting with recipes will be saved for days off. I plan to have one vegan cheat day ( within reason) once a week. This week my cheat day is Easter Sunday.  The food journal below was around 1,500 calories and over 60 grams of protein. I’m starting this all again, same blog since 2013 but with a vegan brand new vibe. Up next, my new fitness journey. Treat yourself kind as you begin to be healthy.

Namaste, love and Light

Breakfast:

Vegan protein bar, coffee with soy creamer and 1 tablespoon Black strap molasses.

Lunch

Smoothie with 8 oz. organic soy milk, 2 cups spinach, 1/2 cup berries, half banana, 1 tbs flax seed, 2 tbs peanut butter, 1/2 cup carrots.  Half cup of unsalted garbanzo beans.

Dinner

2 cups romaine, 1/2 cup tomatoes, 1/4 cup red onions, 1 baked potato, 1/2 cup garbanzo beans. Topped with red wine vinegar and 1 tablespoon of champagne vinaigrette.

Snack

1 slice low sodium Ezekiel bread with 1 tablespoon Polaner all fruit strawberry spread.

Lots of water and fresh lemon.

 

Vegan Staples

Let food me thy medicine and medicine be thy food.

Hippocrates

Happy Wednesday to all. I’m  in the process of really reinventing this blog, posting more as  I begin my round two of fitness and weight loss. A lot of people are asking me about what to buy at the grocery store, so I decided to post a very basic whole foods plant-based grocery list. This does not include my favorite vegan fun foods, those convenience foods you reach for when you want vegan cheese or vegan veggie burgers. Those are my occasional treats, not my everyday staples.

This is a healthy list, the foods I eat daily. It’s just a basic list, really you can have as much fresh fruits and vegetables as you like.  Recipes will follow. I recommend watching the film Forks over Knives and What the Health. Let’s get started. This list is also budget friendly. 

This is my personal list but I’m also attaching a video and post from Dr Greger. The vegan health doctors all agree to avoid nuts and avocado if you have heart disease. I eat  minimum oils, salt, and sugar. I try to do Dr Greger’s Daily Dozen. I have the app and my goal is to do the Dozen Dozen every day.

 

I hope this helps. I started my day today with oatmeal in organic soy milk with berries, chia seeds with coffee and soy creamer. I will make a large smoothie before work with Trader Joe’s pea protein powder, organic soy milk, spinach, kale, banana and flax seeds. For dinner I will have lentil and vegetable soup with toasted Ezekiel bread and romaine salad with vegetables. I follow a lady who has a website with great YouTube videos. I will post her link when I’m not rushed for time. I wish you joy on the road to health and happiness. Links and list below. 

Love and light

Rose

 

https://nutritionstudies.org/plant-based-grocery-shopping-guide/

 

Produce Staples: frozen berries, fresh berries, bananas, oranges, apples, large bag of spinach, large bag of kale, fresh or frozen broccoli,fresh or frozen cauliflower, bag mini peppers, green peppers, celery, carrots, yellow onions, red onions, garlic, fresh or frozen green beans, zucchini, eggplant, romaine lettuce, tomatoes, frozen peas, cubed butternut squash, potatoes, lemons.

Pantry Staples: Quick Oats, Ezekiel Bread, bag lentils, bag split peas, cans low sodium garbanzo beans, cans low sodium black beans, cans low sodium kidney beans, cans low sodium pinto beans, cans low sodium great northern beans, brown rice, wild rice, quinoa, flax seeds, chia seeds, hemp seeds, date sugar, tofu, unsweetened organic soy milk or almond milk, unsweetened silk soy creamer, unsalted peanut butter or almond butter, unsalted cans diced tomatoes, unsalted cans crushed tomatoes, hummus, low sodium vegetable stock.

Some Trader Joe’s staples: steamed lentils, unsweetened pea protein powder, sprouted whole grain bagels, low sodium vegetable stock, hummus, dates, soy creamer, frozen shredded potatoes, tofu, maple syrup, Black strap molasses, balsamic vinegar, basil, oregano, cumin, chili spice, turmeric, cinnamon, paprika.

 

 

 

 

WEIGH IN MONDAY

Happy St Patty’s Day. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Monday. This weekend I splurged a little on a veggie burger, tater tots, and Nada Moo Chocolate Chip Mint. My hubby made me a splurge meal, and the vegan ice cream was my version of a vegan shamrock shake. 

i rarely eat salt, and I try to not eat vegan processed foods on a regular basis. I weighed in this morning up a pound. I understand it’s water weight and I’m ok with it. I don’t plan to eat salty foods on a regular basis. I’m trying to eat mostly Whole Foods, plant based most of my days. I’m also trying to find balance with food. My aim is good nutrition, but I don’t want to become obsessive. I want my focus to be on fitness and health. I also occasionally think it’s ok to live a little. 

This week my plan is to focus on Whole Foods, with just one treat. My treat will be a small pastry or item from a new vegan bakery I’m hoping to try. I will let you know if I do. A vegan bakery and cafe opening up where I live in The Woodlands TX is a rare occurrence. I’m so excited to go there. 

I plan to eat to my standards, my vegan stance is a personal moral decision. There is no cheating, it’s a lifestyle not a diet. My weight loss/health Whole Foods plant based journey is a process, one where I may splurge from time to time. There’s a difference with the two, but I’m trying to balance it all. After all I’m human. 

Weigh in today up 1lb 183

Short term goal is 159 ( my weight before I moved from Los Angeles to Texas in May 2017) 

Next stop beginning my fitness journey all over again. Stay tuned. 

Love and light and Irish Blessings 

Rose 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a Lifestyle

Happy Day after Valentine’s Day to all. I hope the special day brought you joy, whether you have a valentine or not. I work in a restaurant at night so my day was all work and no play. That’s ok, it’s my hump day and soon my my off days will be here. I’m working hard for the money and grateful for my blessings. 

It’s day 4 of my 30 day Whole Foods plant-based challenge. I’m vegan and I’m trying to lean more towards a cleaner way of taking care of my temple. Day 4 and I feel fabulous, not as fatigued from waiting tables. For a while I thought I was getting sick, or old, and now I realize I just wasn’t feeding my body correctly. I’m doing the challenge to help myself kick it into high gear, to be accountable. At the end I will have a delicious vegan cheat day and do another 30 day challenge. I’m going to do this plan going forward. I plan to check my cholesterol in a few months, to see how this is working for my body. Staying away from all oils is the biggest hurdle, but I’m sticking to it. In 30 days I will jump on the scale, and going forward I will only weigh myself once a month. 

We had a cat health scare with Max, but it was a false alarm. I will take him in to be safe soon, but it seems he was constipated. I found out today my Mom’s sister, my Aunt Elaine in Chicago had a stroke. I think she’s going to be ok, but send her lots of prayers. In life, challenges pop up when you least expect them. No matter what comes, I’m not deviating from my food plan. This is for my heath, period. My weight loss will be an added bonus. 

Next week I will post on my fitness plans, and more of what I’m eating. I’m going forward and not looking back. Onward and upward for me.

Love and Light 

Rose

MY JOURNEY 2.0

It seems I keep starting and stopping the second half of my weight loss journey due to mundane issues of life. I didn’t quit, I just was on a self-inflicted hiatus, with random moments of jumping back on here and claiming the rebirth of this blog. Robert Frost said it best, “The best way out is always through.” I made it through some of my struggles and with the Chinese New Year I am starting anew now. Right now my struggles are of the tech sort of issues, but I plan to sort through my lack of tech savvy and begin despite being just a little lost on this front. Join me on my brand new journey, where it will take me is up to me.

 

 

 

MONDAY MOTIVATION 2019

Today is the true beginning to my wellness journey. Last week I didn’t begin eating whole foods-plant based because we ended up with vegan holiday junk food left over from the holiday. We are on a very strict budget so we decided to finish what we had on hand rather than toss it into the trash. No guilt, we are grateful for the food and now we are moving towards plant based wellness. The plan was to begin fresh on Monday which is today.

I have a very long grocery list I will share soon, but to be painfully honest I am trying to pay off some of our bills and debt and we are on a food budget. I did get the necessities to begin with, and we plan on doing a small food haul today or tomorrow. We have the basic tools to begin. I may start posting my meals for each day so we can share this journey together. Each day is a day I go after my larger goals by eating for wellness and moving my body in fitness. Each day I take the necessary steps that are a part of every day living, like brushing my teeth. I am not worried about a quick fix to look skinnier. Each day I take a baby step to success. Big leaps will come later when I am fit enough to take them.

Today I began my day with two slices of gluten free bread with my coffee. After my coffee I indulged in a green smoothie and a green water chaser. You may be asking what a green water chaser is? First, let me share with you my green smoothie. Kale, spinach, hemp seeds, flax seeds, banana and one cup of organic soy milk. After I had my smoothie I blended two more cups of kale and spinach and water, and drank my green water. I know what you are thinking, but it doesn’t taste bad. I plan to get as many living foods into my temple as possible. I am getting my glow on from the inside out. This is what makes me feel alive, energetic and ageless. I love eating plants.

Tonight I am making spit pea soup, all homemade. I first make homemade vegetable broth. I am eating whole foods-plant based with minimum salt, oil and sugar. I will season my soup with back pepper, basil and a touch of sea salt. I will post the recipe soon. My hubby likes to eat his soup with bread so Ezekiel toast it is.

This is a brand new journey, and I am navigating this while working almost 40 hours serving in a restaurant. This is not easy, and on most days I may be doing my workouts after work around 11 pm. Today is my day off, so I will be working out earlier. I plan to revisit my Youtube channel as soon as I get a tripod, no one wants to watch videos in selfie mode. Baby steps.

I hope you are having a wonderful beginning to 2019. I have so many plans, but I am beginning with the basics. Like in the Sound of Music when Julie Andrews sings, let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start.

Begin with me, there is no day like today. Let’s do this. Love and Light.

Rose

WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY

Today was weigh in Wednesday, the first weigh in of the New Year. I gained 6 lbs between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but that is ok. I am only going forward from this moment on. No longer will I be looking back at past successes and failures. This is a brand new journey starting in 2019. I will change my whole life this year, beginning with my health and fitness. I have weighed in at 186 lbs. My goal for the year is to be in the 150’s and possibly the 140’s.

I am keeping this short and sweet today, I have a full day. I will be posting my whole foods-plant based grocery list tomorrow. Happy New Beginnings to all.

Have a wonderful day

Rose

REBRANDING 2019

Happy New Year to all. Here I am starting over again. I know what you are thinking, here she goes again with a brand new beginning. It’s true, I have fallen off the wagon more times than I can count in the last year and a half. I am not here to speak about my past struggles and hardships, because I am ringing in the brand new year with positive vibes only. It’s a fresh new start, and I am in it to win it. No longer will I look back, I am not going that way.

I wrapped up my last two holiday charities. As I begin blogging again I am making major changes for this blog. No longer will I document my weight loss through charities. I plan to start a separate project to give back. I am starting a brand new vegan health and weight loss with fitness, and back to a mind-body connection. No longer will I be focusing on the scale as my only barometer as success. I will judge my successes by my fitness and health accomplishments and my artistic and personal goals. I will be making 2019 my best year ever, and documenting my process of changing my life on for the better on every level. This will still be a weight loss/fitness blog but so much more; a true lifestyle blog.

I am starting January off strong, and when the holidays begin next year I will be a better version of myself. I have big goals which I can share later, but I am starting off in January building the foundation for my goals. The basics, the cement that will keep my temple steady as I lean into my dreams. My first week of January begins like this.

January 1, 2019 Day one and week one.

1.After weigh in, we are doing a whole foods-plant-based grocery haul. It is a mini haul to get us started on the right path. My long-term plan is to try to only grocery shop twice a week. 

2.Which brings me into the next thing to do on my first week of 2019 to do list. We plan to really crack down on our budget, no longer will we go to the store at random times. Eating whole foods and plant-based will be better for both our health and financial budgets. I will share what we will be eating our first week in a later post. The less we spend on unhealthy vegan junk food, the more money we have for bills and debt. In 2019 I plan to tackle the ghosts of my past with zero fear. I am not saying I will never have vegan fun foods again, but my main nutrition will be whole foods-plant based with limited sodium, oil and sugar. Eating like this will help me save money and tackle past money mistakes. 

3.Daily workouts, cardio, stretching, running and yoga. It’s time to get strong again, beginning today. I have a gym in my building, and I can start doing Melissa Bender Fitness workouts and yoga. There is a little room in the gym, and I can do yoga with my phone on YouTube. Her motto is “Fitness Should Be Free.”

Free totally works for my budget. No excuses.

 

4.This week I plan to de-clutter my space, clear out my closet and clean our home from top to bottom. Think about it, you spend so much of your time at home, make it your sanctuary. There are some things I would like to do to improve our living space but we are starting with the basic essentials; getting rid of the chaos and stuff we no longer have a need for. Removing metaphorical trash that gets in my way. 

5.Get inspired,live with a positive mindset. Write down my dreams and goals, and start planning for my best year ever. I bought a lovely 2019 planner and I will put it to good use. I also want to research equipment for my YouTube channel which I plan to revisit in the future. Start studying my American Council of exercise book, and read ten pages a day from one of my many inspirational books I own. 

This is what my first week looks like.  As I wrap up my first blog post of 2019 I am incredibly grateful for life, living, loved ones near and far. I begin again in gratitude and grace. I choose joy and hope that anything is possible if you believe and take the time to take action.

With love and light

Happy New Year