Category Archives: life’s lessons

NEVER GIVE UP

It’s been thunder-storming for days here in Houston, and today is no exception. I have battled the idea of staying with this blog or starting a new blog for my new weight loss journey. After thoughtful consideration and lots of feedback, I have decided to stay here and bloom where my blog was planted. This means I plan on being much more transparent about the ups and downs this time around.

This second phase is not easy, and I will not sugar coat it. I have obstacles that I did not have in 2013. Things to overcome and hurdles to jump. I’m not being a defeatist, I will find a way. I’m just saying this time is definitely more of a challenge. 

As I begin again, there are many things I’ve procrastinated about, things I’ve put off that need attention. Yesterday was the dentist, and I found out I need my wisdom teeth out and a deep cleaning. My insurance doesn’t cover it all, so I need to really focus on saving to get it done. It will be easier for me to lose weight when I don’t just brush my problems under the rug. I’m still waitressing, so my night hours are a challenge, but I will find a way to overcome what holds me back this time around, even if it takes time. My husband and I are really planning change after a rough two years.

Change takes positivity, time, patience and perseverance. Change doesn’t happen when you procrastinate. I’m learning a lot about myself since we moved to Houston from LA. I went from being a go getter to a procrastinator. It hasn’t been all bad, I still submit my writing and I’ve been published quite a few times since we arrived here, and for that I’m so proud. I’m speaking of my fitness and weight loss. Yo Yo dieting is a form of procrastination. I own that. 

Today I took a me day, I woke up with an uneasy feeling and woke up to a dreaded bad news text. Now I’m waiting and praying it’s not that serious. A family member is in the hospital and it’s exactly two years ago my Mom was in the hospital before we lost her. Being far from family during these moments is emotionally draining. Sitting by the phone and waiting. I hope you join in with me and send healing thoughts, energy and prayers to my loved one. 

Life, it’s a series of ups and downs. I’ve kind of been in the crossroads lately, as the ups and downs of my life swings back and forth like a pendulum. I’m positive my loved one will recover and the pendulum with swing in the direction of positivity and new beginnings. Join me as I embrace my new reality and the second phase of my health journey. I believe I can do it again, so with hard work I will achieve. I’m humbled and human, but like the Phoenix I will rise even if I still stumble from time to time. I will always get back up and try again.

Life ain’t gonna live itself. I’m a lover of life no matter what comes my way. 

Love and Light to all 

Rose 

 

WEIGHT LOSS STRUGGLES

Eating disorders are usually seen as someone who is anorexic and extremely thin, or someone who obviously struggles with bulimia. As a young adult I suffered from eating disorders, I was very thin and dr’s said I was on the verge of anorexia. As time went on my weight stabilized, and it seemed like I was free of my past struggles. I won’t get into much detail of my eating disorder past, this post is about today. 

I have been overweight a few times in my life, the last time before now was in 2013 when I started this blog. Once I got my weight under control it seemed like my obsessive guilty thoughts about food went away, until I gained half my weight back in 2017. When someone looks at someone like me, they never connect I can have an eating disorder. I’ve weighed much more and I’ve weighed much less, but no matter how much I weigh; my eating disorder past comes back when I’m vulnerable and weak, or when life throws me curveballs.

I haven’t been consistent on this blog because I go silent when I struggle.  I’m embarrassed that I’m failing and lost all I worked so hard for. I get motivated and then struggles occur, and again I go silent. I have trouble admitting it’s so hard for me this time around. I’ve been down, then I see people going through much more than me and then I feel ashamed. It’s a vicious circle and I’m desperately looking to get on a more positive path. I want to keep trying until I get it right, I think from now on I’m going to share my ups and downs, my in between and the good and the bad; my middle of my journey. Since January I lost 10 lbs, my current weight is 180. The scale won’t continue to drop until I get myself and my diet and exercise on point consistently. I’m in the gray area, a little stuck and trying to push myself back to living in a Technicolor world.

Food is such a struggle for me. Most people love a good meal, and so do I. The difference is my thoughts about food. I eat healthy most of the time, I probably don’t eat enough. I’m vegan and I eat Whole Foods and plant-based. Once in a while I make a home cooked vegan meal, like spaghetti or a holiday meal. I always overeat spaghetti even if it’s a healthy type of pasta. My husband remarks how good he feels after such a meal, I only feel guilt and disgust. This started again Easter weekend. Special meals make me feel like a failure, so I don’t post here because no one wants to read about someone on a weight loss journey who is faltering. When I eat clean I feel in control, when I eat for pleasure I feel sick after. Not all foods make me feel like this, but spaghetti and holiday meals always leave me on the opposite side of balanced. Afterwards I have trouble getting back on track.

Life has not been smooth here in Texas for the last two years, I won’t get into why but I will say things are really improving. I’m on the verge of really starting over, I just need to get over small hurdles that keep coming my way. My confidence is shot and I need to work on getting it back. I need to work on my food issues, and realized sometimes I can be an emotional eater. I need to get more consistent with all of my workouts because it’s the key to balance. I know what I need to do, I just need to start and not keep stopping. 

Here is a picture of one of my inspirations in life. A beautiful couple I knew from the gym in West Hollywood, CA. She’s a holocaust survivor who’s lived on every continent but one. Every time they saw me they remarked I should be on tv. I always remarked back I needed to lose weight. She always told me embrace your health, when one gets sick they get skinny. Be happy you are healthy. I’m going to really try to work on my health, wellness and fitness. I won’t go silent when I’m struggling. I will try to post the good, the bad and the ugly. I love life-like my friend did, and I’m going to live it as she did and forgive my shortcomings. Love and light to all. 

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

The Shawshank Redemption

 

 

 

National Scribble Day

It’s National Scribble Day, so this blog post is going to be the blog equivalent of scribbling. My thoughts are all scrambled, but not in a bad way. My job, ( waitressing) sometimes exhausts me and I admit to procrastinating in the things that are important to me. There is a new documentary on Netflix I really want to watch called Heal. It’s all about healing from a mind body perspective. This gets me thinking. Is my exhaustion real? Can I do things that make me feel more energized and ready to take on tasks that are important to me? I think the answer is a big yes. No excuses.

Posting more than once a week is definitely one of my many goals. I’m going to really work on my state of mind like I’m working on my nutrition and fitness. Yes, I work a very physical job, but I believe I can make it softer on my body with positivity and possibly some tools to help me along the way. Good shoe inserts, better pillows for sleep, a foot bath at the end of the night. No longer using my job as an excuse is a biggie. A massage now and then wouldn’t hurt. 

I did say it National Scribble Day, and I’m truly all over the place. I’m so excited for this brand new chapter in my blog/journey. I’m going to be doing a wonderful interview series with real influencers in fitness who focus on achieving goals and teaching others through a positive mindset. These are the women I look to for inspiration. Just in time since I have six months until I take my exam for The American Council of Exercise group exercise certification. Time to get fit again, study and get things done.

I didn’t weigh in today, I gave my mind a break. A budget friendly vegan grocery haul is needed, as I’m trying to get my hubby James to eat clean. He claims he cannot do it until I set him up. We’ve  been working on a positive mindset and it’s totally working. You are what you believe, you achieve only when you believe. We believe, we believe. 

Happy National Scribble Day. Go out and Scribble the vision board if your dreams. I know I am. I’m following a well lit path. 

love and light 

Rose

 

WEIGH IN

I had a little bug again, it’s been so cold here and everyone around me has been sick. It was just a quick cold and I’m back feeling  like brand new. 

Things are really starting to look brighter here, and I’m very inspired and motivated. I know I said I would only weigh myself once a month, but I lied. I am currently 182 lbs. I was 190 around the holidays. I am so excited to see the scale dropping again. I’m really trying to work on my nutrition and portion control. The Loseitapp keeps me in check. I keep a food journal daily, it helps me tremendously. I’m 24 lbs away from my lowest weight I reached on this blog, before the loss of my Mom and our move to Houston. I’m finding my way back to myself now, finding my way back to true happiness and all of my plans and goals. 

The one thing I’ve learned in the last few years is no matter how motivated I am, I am not perfect. I really believe in eating a Whole Foods, plant based way of living. Sometimes, I may splurge though. Cravings happen. The one thing I won’t do, is cheat on my vegan lifestyle. This is something that has nothing to do with diet, it’s my moral compass and I strive to follow what’s in my heart. I’m not perfect, but I strive to be my authentic self. So when I speak of occasionally splurging, I am referencing vegan fun foods that I choose to only eat occasionally. My daily way of eating is clean wfpb with limited oil, salt and sugar. I have chosen to say limited instead of completely omitting these items because like I stated before, I am far from perfect. 

As I type this latest post I’m watching Madonna. She is probably my earliest inspiration and one of the reasons I chose to dance in college. I’m getting back to my fitness and I’m excited to say I’m taking the American Council of Exercise group exercise exam in September. My plan is to start with dance inspired group classes. I learned a lot after  being in the Richard Simmons video and taking his classes, and I plan to use all my experiences in this blog as well as my classes. I’m lucky to have real women in fitness in my life, inspiring me and making a difference with their fitness careers. I’ve decided I would like to interview these wonderful real women warriors, so stay tuned. It will be a week long series, with one interview each day for seven days. My real life inspirations. I’m nothing without my influences. 

I will leave you with a snippet of an interview I saw with Jennifer Lopez. She said she remembers seeing Madonna running in Central Park. Here was this big star, but she was working hard. So if you have a dream, a goal or a plan; start by working hard. It’s the cement of the building blocks of your goals. Go get it now, but start at the base and build upon it with sweat and dedication. Don’t forget your inspirations and influences, they are there to teach you if you are willing to learn. We all uplift each other. 

If you believe you will achieve, but you have to put the work in. Nothing of worth comes for free. Believe, Achieve, Become the butterfly. 

 

OVERCOMING CHALLENGES

Happy Sunday to all. Today is day three of my brand new journey, and of course there are challenges coming my way already. My computer is down, so I’m posting from my phone. I also live in Texas, and Texas has bugs, especially in the hot humid summer. If you know me I have a severe bug phobia. They spray regularly here in our apartment but these bugs that they say come from the trees get in. Most die immediately, but for me it gives me such anxiety to awaken to an insect graveyard. I’m trying to overcome my insect anxiety but it’s truly not easy. 

It’s ok, breathe in and breathe out. These are challenges not tragedies. I refuse to get frustrated and give up now or ever. I am all in on this brand new life journeyI will no longer make excuses or begin tomorrow on a better day. Today is the day, the time is now.

Daily challenges in life are like tiny grenades popping up in your path, for me the grenades are in the form of dead bugs. The trick is to jump over them, don’t step on them or look back. Keep going on your journey. You will be happy that you did not give up. Life is a literal obstacle course, keep moving forward. Working through challenges and anxieties is never easy but you will be happier when you don’t let the challenges and anxieties in your life take over. 

My plan for today’s post was to share a lot of the resources I’m using going forward in health and fitness. I will do that in a future post, I can use my Hubby’s computer. In the meantime I’m here and doing my best to navigate posting from my phone. 

As I post on the third day of my brand new journey I hear of another mass shooting in Jacksonville Florida.  News that puts my minuscule challenges and anxieties into perspective. Here I am anxious about stepping over one or two dead insects, at the same moment innocent people are dodging bullets and hiding until it’s safe to come out. Humbling for sure.

So today I send love and light into the world. We collectively are in constant healing mode. As I begin healing my mind/body and soul; my biggest wish is we can all heal together and one day live in harmony, safety and peace.

Love and light, 

Rose Bruno Bailey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FAILURE IS NOT MY FINAL DESTINATION

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

Winston Churchill

Dreams, we all have them. It’s one of the things that motivates us to move forward in life. Dreaming feels like stepping through muddy moments and coming out refreshed on the other side, where the sun shines in a bright blue sky and rain comes down like a warm release of cleansing water. Dreams, I live for my dreams and passions and I have many dreams.

This blog was one of my dreams. It began with an idea. That’s the thing with dreams, at first they are just ideas. Our imagination concocts these thoughts called ideas, and it is up to us to either ignore them or find ways to turn thoughts into ideas and then into dreams. Sounds magical I know, and it is. I remember when my best friend suggested I write poems. Her suggestion was a thought, her thought became an idea and when she conveyed it to me it became my thoughts and ideas; and finally one of my dreams. I started writing, first with poems and later memoirs and essays. I am far from done and grateful to Melissa for her amazing idea that changed my life and my direction in which I live it.

The idea for this blog became a dream of mine. To lose weight while helping charities. It became one of my passions in my life and took me to places I had no idea I would even think of going. I had success, I lost 60 lbs and helped a lot of charities, and I was introduced to the world of fitness for the first time since my dancing days. This blog sprouted ideas that I continue to work on. I am so proud of the work I do. One of my largest dreams is to one day after I reach my goal to become a motivational speaker, helping others achieve weight loss and confidence, and encouraging them to pay it forward and help others all while achieving their own personal goals.

That same sky that brought the sunshine and the cleansing rain fell right through, more than once. In the same six months I went from achieving my lowest weight on this blog to gaining 30 lbs back six months later. I experienced the loss of my Mom, a move from LA to Houston and the sickness and loss of our beloved Siamese Rascal. I discovered I  sometimes can be an emotional eater. I did all of those things I thought were behind me, I ate unhealthy food and stopped exercising. Stress took over my life, especially during the three months I tried to save Rascal. The overeating, the lack of exercise, the stress and the grief taught me a valuable lesson. We are all human, we will fall from time to time. Our failures and falls do not define us. Our humanity and connection to each other defines us. Love defines us. What I did to try to save Rascal was love.

So back to dreams. How does one dream of doing something when they worked so hard to get to their goals and they failed? How can you continue if you failed? Where do you go from here? How do you start over? Can I ever make that dream of helping others lose weight after I myself had a setback? Am I not worthy? 

The answer is we are not defined by our failures and our setbacks, but how we stand back up; scraped knees, bruised egos and all. Facing our failure but putting it behind us as we admit we need to make a change and move forward. The key to change is facing you fell, forgiving yourself for faltering and admitting it happened. Connecting to others helps in the process, no man is an island. Connecting to other people was a huge part of my beginning of this blog and I will continue to connect and not try to go it alone. We are all connected.

I am back to blogging, back to losing weight ( with more to lose after my 30 lb weight gain), back to helping charities and working on my fitness goals; back after heartbreak and the business of being human. 

I fell hard, but I stand up again. I am alive, the sun rose today and I couldn’t think of a better way of honoring life by taking the universe up of the gift of another chance to dream and to do what I love; turning magical thoughts into inspirational ideas and dream, dream and do.

Nice to see you again,

Namaste’

Rose

STARTING OVER

I Have taken to grinding my teeth, which means I have a lot of stress to deal with.  In the last six months I lost my way on this blog and my weight loss journey; my Mother’s passing, a move away from California and a very sick cat left me with thirty extra pounds. I did the unthinkable, I gained half my weight back. This post is not to complain about the changes and stress that I encountered. This post is me facing my weight gain and getting back to blogging and losing weight. I know what to do, it just took me a while to find my way back to me. Half the battle is facing the music head on, admitting it happened and making the necessary changes to get back on track. My name is Rose and I went from 159 lbs in May of 2017 to 189 lbs as of Today November 29th 2017. For the sake of blogging I am going to say I am 190 it is easier to manage the numbers.

Today is my real day one, I am starting over.  I am going to lose my first ten pounds of the thirty I gained. I am going to do my food drive when I lose the ten pounds. I am back to committing to a charity and committing to myself and my health. I couldn’t be more motivated. It took me six months to get here but here I am, ready to get to work. Each day I workout and eat healthy I will collect a can to be donated when I lose my first ten pounds.

How am I going to do it? How did you do it? These are questions I am often faced, but I am in unfamiliar territory having had the moment when I slipped up and lost my momentum. I spent six months eating foods on a regular basis that normally I would only eat as a treat. I also ate a lot of carbs. I know my body and what diet works best for my body type. This is not my first rodeo. I am doing what I always did successfully but I am doing a do over.

Exercise, I am doing cardio mostly walking nightly on the treadmill after work with my husband James. We call it date night. We are getting healthy together and getting back eating mostly plant-based and lower carbohydrate and some lean protein for me. I am also doing body weight exercise based workouts from Melissa Bender Fitness and in a few weeks when I feel ready I plan to tackle the machines at the gym. I plan to run three times a week and Yoga and stretching to round it out. I am also working a server job again, which helps because it is an active job and I can bring home healthy salads and fish dishes.

Here it goes, I got on the scale, all the Thanksgiving leftovers are gone. I have my challenges but that is life. Dealing with my weight gain head on with diet and working out will only help me with these challenges. I also plan to post more often, and some posts will just be quick updates with no fancy writing. I plan to plan to be here and be accountable. Less photos for now and more of the struggles we all face. I will save my writing for publications and photos for when I start losing again. For now it is all about the hard work. I have a slow computer and my goal is to be here and get it done and get to work on my fitness. There will be time later when I get a faster pc for more photo uploads when I start losing again. No excuses.

There is no shame in admitting you stumbled, there is no shame in admitting you fell on your face. Can you get up? Stand back up? Fall nine, get up ten. I am getting back up, my self esteem is bruised but soon it will heal.

After all, we are all human. I found out how human I really am. I also remembered feeling strong, fit and healthy feels better than eating pie.

Love and Light, 

Namaste’

Rose

 

 

TRANSITIONS IN WEIGHT LOSS

Transitions in weight loss and gaining some weight back. Pick yourself up, pick up the pieces, pick up your weights. Transitions in weight loss happen, just pick it back up where you left off. Continue the journey, you got this.

Starting Weight 220

Lowest weight loss 159

Weight Gain, Current Weight 179 

Goal Weight 130-135 By Summer

Last night I woke up from a dream. I must have been at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Sunset Blvd near where I lived in West Hollywood. It was so real and so vivid that I woke up and decided I would go there today to work on my writing projects. Than I realized where I was and that made going there impossible. I was dreaming but awake.

I find myself living in this beautiful little community right outside of Houston Texas, and after everything James and I have been through I am grateful to have the opportunity to pick up all the broken pieces, to pay the debt from when James was unemployed. I miss West Hollywood but I have to focus on the now for now.  I can either wallow in self pity or get back to being the best me I can be, and do it here in Houston.

As I begin this blog again just like when I began in 2013 I took a new waitress job, and I am assuming it will be my last. This job is going to be a learning curve for me as far as managing my time to do my outside pursuits. As my Mother Shirley would say, suck it up kid. We need two incomes to be able to get us back on track. So this autumn I need to find a way to work on my goals and manage a full time server job. The gym in my complex is open 24 hours so I should be ok. I also plan to do all of this and some writing projects  and do it with a smile. 

If you find yourself in hot water, make like a kettle and sing. I am singing today, my official day two. I am also saying goodbye to my former self, the summer me who gained a few pounds and was just a little lost. Today is my day two and I am ready for a better version of me. I am using the lose it app to keep my portions and calories in control and writing up my ten goals for the month of October. I think slipping up one time in four years is not too bad. So here I am, downloading my running playlist, singing and cooking healthy food. Today I am making soup, here is the recipe I am making tonight. It is autumn and even though it is still so hot here James loves soups and football.

How To Make Vegetarian Split Pea Soup

 

Ain’t no use in complaining when you got a job to do. Bryan Adams

I have a lot of jobs to do but I like it that way. 

Namaste’

Love and Light

Rose

FULL CIRCLE

20472165_10155431492018617_1161137351_nWe start fresh, we get excited. We go all in, gung ho and high on our new quest. Life comes in and decides to shake us up a bit. We stumble and fall from the personal earthquake that is our life,  After the last aftershock ceases we stay still in fear and our own perceived failures, we stop moving forward. Eventually we circle back, all things are connected even our goals and the obstacles that seem to keep us at arms distance from our destination. We circle back, eventually everything comes full circle, even us.

I am in the process of circling back and finding my way. This week was my first weigh in since I dropped the ball on my fitness and weight loss journey. The ball bounced upward in my favor, as I lost five of the thirteen pounds I gained and now it is also time to re-commit to my fitness routine.

My fitness routine to begin is this:

walking every day except on my running days- one hour or more

Running three times a week

Melissa Bender Fitness 3 times a week

Sneaking in stretching and yoga to help me succeed.

Seems simple and I think it is something I can sustain as my body starts to bounce back.

Are you with me, are you circling back after dropping the ball on your goals? We are all connected, let’s circle back together.

Namaste

Love and Light

Rose

 

 

 

WEIGHT LOSS AFTER LOSS

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Losing a loved one knocks you down,and then you get back up and the memories knock you over again. It is a never-ending cycle, this grief stuff. I guess I just need to navigate my way around the emotional grenades and go on, and we must go on. 

Losing weight after losing a loved one, this is what is on my mind at the moment. Nothing knocked me down, nothing until I lost my Mother. I made it to my lowest weight on this journey, 159 lbs and I did it through a move from LA to San Francisco, my husband’s job loss and a move back to LA. I kept going through all of those life changes, and life did not break me and I never gained a pound. I kept losing and I am proud to say I did it, until the last month.

Now life after losing my Mother left me with a few pounds of extra weight. I admit I fell of the wagon. That’s the thing about wagons, they keep going, you just have to catch up and jump back on. I am committing to my healthy lifestyle and workouts and goals, it is not easy now. Our new kitchen is barely set up but I can do this. It starts today, I know how to do this and I know how to get to where I am going. I am back on the wagon and on the road to all of my goals. I will lose the 10 lbs I gained and get to my goals.

I am about to run to the grocery store, my hubby James is working and we need something healthy to eat. I am going to wear my runners belt and run there even with this heat and humidity. I plan on making a schedule soon, and tomorrow I have an interview to work in a local restaurant for some extra cash for my goals and our new life. I will post my workout/running/yoga schedule once I begin my job and new routine. No more slacking off. 

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I would love to know how you kept working towards your goals through a life crisis. What tips do you follow to keep at it? We are all here to inspire each other.

So much love and Light

Rose