Category Archives: in a crisis

LOSING WEIGHT IS A PROCESS

Losing weight is a process, in the beginning it’s easy but sticking it out takes extra willpower. Life gets sticky, and it gets in the way. It’s easy to fall of the wagon and stop the healthy patterns you’ve developed in the beginning of your weight loss journey. You will know when this happens, and when you realize it nip it in the bud. 

This week was challenging to say the least. Nothing worth mentioning just adulting and all that comes with it. I didn’t track for days. I almost went for vegan whoppers at Burger King on nights when work was slow and stressful. Waitressing has bad days and bad weeks, it’s normal but when you go into work and stand around it makes you question things. In the end it’s is the way of working in a restaurant, good days and bad days. It always seems like bad days come when you are stressed. Time to reboot and recalculate, like a gps. 

So today I recalculate, I’m trying to check my mood and mindset. I’m back to tracking. I’m planning for Monday and a better and more productive week. Writing my weekly goals on Sunday night. I’m going to try to stress less and be happy in the moments, even the mundane moments that drive me mad. No reason to slip up on my weight loss goals because of a bad week. It’s a marathon and not a sprint, this road to weight loss goals. 

Love and Light

Rose

WEIGHT LOSS STRUGGLES

Eating disorders are usually seen as someone who is anorexic and extremely thin, or someone who obviously struggles with bulimia. As a young adult I suffered from eating disorders, I was very thin and dr’s said I was on the verge of anorexia. As time went on my weight stabilized, and it seemed like I was free of my past struggles. I won’t get into much detail of my eating disorder past, this post is about today. 

I have been overweight a few times in my life, the last time before now was in 2013 when I started this blog. Once I got my weight under control it seemed like my obsessive guilty thoughts about food went away, until I gained half my weight back in 2017. When someone looks at someone like me, they never connect I can have an eating disorder. I’ve weighed much more and I’ve weighed much less, but no matter how much I weigh; my eating disorder past comes back when I’m vulnerable and weak, or when life throws me curveballs.

I haven’t been consistent on this blog because I go silent when I struggle.  I’m embarrassed that I’m failing and lost all I worked so hard for. I get motivated and then struggles occur, and again I go silent. I have trouble admitting it’s so hard for me this time around. I’ve been down, then I see people going through much more than me and then I feel ashamed. It’s a vicious circle and I’m desperately looking to get on a more positive path. I want to keep trying until I get it right, I think from now on I’m going to share my ups and downs, my in between and the good and the bad; my middle of my journey. Since January I lost 10 lbs, my current weight is 180. The scale won’t continue to drop until I get myself and my diet and exercise on point consistently. I’m in the gray area, a little stuck and trying to push myself back to living in a Technicolor world.

Food is such a struggle for me. Most people love a good meal, and so do I. The difference is my thoughts about food. I eat healthy most of the time, I probably don’t eat enough. I’m vegan and I eat Whole Foods and plant-based. Once in a while I make a home cooked vegan meal, like spaghetti or a holiday meal. I always overeat spaghetti even if it’s a healthy type of pasta. My husband remarks how good he feels after such a meal, I only feel guilt and disgust. This started again Easter weekend. Special meals make me feel like a failure, so I don’t post here because no one wants to read about someone on a weight loss journey who is faltering. When I eat clean I feel in control, when I eat for pleasure I feel sick after. Not all foods make me feel like this, but spaghetti and holiday meals always leave me on the opposite side of balanced. Afterwards I have trouble getting back on track.

Life has not been smooth here in Texas for the last two years, I won’t get into why but I will say things are really improving. I’m on the verge of really starting over, I just need to get over small hurdles that keep coming my way. My confidence is shot and I need to work on getting it back. I need to work on my food issues, and realized sometimes I can be an emotional eater. I need to get more consistent with all of my workouts because it’s the key to balance. I know what I need to do, I just need to start and not keep stopping. 

Here is a picture of one of my inspirations in life. A beautiful couple I knew from the gym in West Hollywood, CA. She’s a holocaust survivor who’s lived on every continent but one. Every time they saw me they remarked I should be on tv. I always remarked back I needed to lose weight. She always told me embrace your health, when one gets sick they get skinny. Be happy you are healthy. I’m going to really try to work on my health, wellness and fitness. I won’t go silent when I’m struggling. I will try to post the good, the bad and the ugly. I love life-like my friend did, and I’m going to live it as she did and forgive my shortcomings. Love and light to all. 

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

The Shawshank Redemption

 

 

 

WEIGH IN MONDAY

Happy Monday to all? Today is weigh in Monday and I lost 2 lbs, cue happy dance. That brings me to 182 lbs. I’m down 7.6 lbs. I’m keeping a journal of my meals and calories on the Loseitapp and I’m using Dr Greger’s Daily Dozen App to keep track of my vegan nutrition. I’m doing this six days a week and one day a week I allow a vegan cheat day. On that day I eat whatever vegan foods I like, but I do my best to keep my calories in check. 

Losing weight through stress or when you are in a personal crisis is not easy. For me what’s working this second try around is I’m focusing on my nutrition and my fitness. My meal plan six days a week is very clean, with very low salt, no oils and just a bit of raw sugar in my coffee. Using both apps keeps me accountable. My energy is definitely up since I started the Dr Greger Daily Dozen. My one vegan cheat day a week allows me to eat the vegan foods I love. This week I’m choosing that day to be Halloween.

Another bonus is how incredibly inexpensive this way of eating is. Lentils, tofu, split peas, canned beans no salt, fresh and frozen fruits and vegetables, quinoa, Ezekiel bread, oats, flax seeds, no salt peanuts and no salt peanut butter. It’s not always easy to tick off everybox, yesterday  I missed cruciferous vegetables; but that’s ok. I strive to each day do better. 

I am also working on some new and exciting projects, I also plan to waitress more than usual, and I’m continuing forward with this blog with the intent to post more regularly and I plan more videos in YouTube.

Dr Greger recommends exercise daily and I may start my workouts in the evening on my work days to be able to manage everything I’m working on. I bought an amazing planner from Barnes and Noble to keep everything organized.

It is all about a positive mindset. Stress gets me, and sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in it; than I remember I’m a good swimmer. Right now im treading water through my struggles and my eye is on my health, fitness, strength, flexibility, and longevity. I’m proud to be a plant eater. 

Stay tuned for next post when I announce how I’m doing my small part to help others in the community I live in with the wonderful people I work with.

When you find yourself struggling, it helps to help others.

Namaste’

Rose

WEIGHT LOSS THROUGH STRESS

Happy Friday to all. I’m doing a lot of soul searching and thinking this week. If you know me, I’m a firm believer of the law of attraction. This week seemed to spiral in the negative direction. Once we started to focus on something that happened early in the week everything just seemed to go downward. It’s like they say, if you wake up and stub your toe and believe it will be a bad day it will. You are what you believe. I’m trying to change that. Fall nine times, get up ten. 

Time to make like a GPS and yell recalculating as loud as I can. One thing that has been positive is I’ve stayed true to my word to blog and to stick to my weight loss and health regimen. I lost 5 lbs my first week and I’m very dedicated. I’m working out again. I’m taking my frustrations out on the treadmill.No matter what happens I’m not giving up. Goal or bust. 

We can’t change the outcome of certain circumstances but we can change our thought process. We even may find some clarity to take necessary risks with our future. Sometimes you have to just jump and see where you land.

Breathe in, breathe out 

love and light

Namaste’

Rose 

 

WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY

Weigh in day came early. I admit it I was impatient to get on the scale, technically I weighed in one week ago today, but I started posting on my blog regularly a day or two later. For now Wednesday will be weigh in Wednesday. 

Through a very stressful week after getting back into town I lost five pounds. I know my clean eating Whole Foods plant-based is working. I admit it’s a challenge to change your mindset on oils and salt, but oils and salt are only going to be occasionally treats for me along with the rare occasional vegan junk food.

It’s been forever since I’ve seen the numbers move on the scale. I’m committed to staying the course through my overwhelming challenges and a bit of temporary depression. Soon I will be updating workouts and cardio. As someone who has been described as dangerously optimistic and eternally happy I’ve discovered I too am human and can have sad moments in my life.

The journey the second time around is so much harder. I’m not giving up no matter what obstacles come my way. Ever heard of dodgeball? I’m dodging every single thing that attempts to tempt me to falter. I’m going to be a weight loss success story. I will get my eternal happiness back, it’s just taking a bit of hard work this time.

Namaste

love and light

Rose

TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED

Our cat Max was sleeping in his cat bed today, we call it his baby bed. We bought his bed for him months ago after we adopted him. It was a month after we lost our beloved Siamese cat Rascal when we saw an advertisement that someone was giving their Siamese cat away. We were not looking to replace Rascal, but I felt compelled to adopt this particular cat.  He was declawed on all four legs and something told me he needed us as we needed him.

Max has been a healing force in our lives and a friend to our other Siamese Spanky who was severely depressed when Rascal passed. Seeing him so happy and relaxed in his  baby bed made me so happy. It is such a little thing but probably at the same time a very profound moment. I am happiest in the simplest of moments and despite the sadness and challenges of life these moments sustain me to go on no matter what. Through the sorrows, the failures, the challenges, the loneliness for friends and family we miss; these moments sustain our happiness.

Speaking of ‘no matter what’ we got the tragic news today about the passing of my hubby’s aunt Jan. We are deeply saddened for his Mother, his uncle Keith and the children and grandchildren. Life is so precious and limited. I cannot wrap my head around loss, I can only go on the best that I can sharing love to all those closest to me and trying to make a little difference in this strange experience we call life.

I will eat clean today, and continue on with my goals despite emotions and sorrow.I am not giving up nor am I using bad news to go on an eating free for all.  Losing a loved one is a reminder to go forth with as much vigor as I can muster because life is about now. Today is now, tomorrow never shows up; it just keeps getting pushed into the mysterious void of the future. I cannot touch tomorrow, but I can feel the warmth as I sit here on my patio listening to the waterfall beneath me. The clouds here in Texas feel so close I can almost touch them. The clouds feel less elusive than tomorrowland. 

I understand for many going forward is not as easy, those who suffer from mental illness and depression. Many cannot bounce back as easy and many do not share how they really feel. Someone you may believe is a survivor and strong may be faltering. Reach out to those you know are going through challenges, you never may know how truly needed it really is.  Like everyone on social media I was shocked to hear about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. Someone may seem to have it all and inside they are unraveling.  Just reach out and be there, and someday someone will do the same for you. 

Love and light to all, love and light.

Call 1800-273-8255

 

http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

 

 

 

 

STARTING OVER

Happy Thursday and happy health to all.

I had an epiphany yesterday. I have been held back by my ego, my vision and memories of all my weight loss success I had on this blog. I was really doing it, than life literally kicked me in the caboose.

To move forward I have to realize it is for my health and fitness, and accept I slipped. I need to quit focusing on my appearance and do it because it is what I love and the end reward is health. Of course looking great is a bonus but I am not going to put the emphasis on my appearance. Looking at photos from one year ago just makes me sad and stagnate. I finally had my husband James take new before photos and I plan to really get to work on my fitness. These are the only before photos I will take for three months. 

It has been a year and I gained thirty of the sixty pounds I lost. I also lost my fit body because honestly I have not lifted a weight in a year and my cardio sessions have not been consistent. I own it all and now I am starting completely brand new. This blog is now my new journey with my starting weight of 188 lbs.

We got some bad news the past week,more than one bout with bad news. That’s the thing about bad news when it is about other people than yourself, you have to keep it private even on a public forum as a blog. So not only am I starting over, I am starting over after life decided to kick but again. It is ok, kick me down and I will stand back up. 

My tools for working out this time around are simple. Melissa Bender Fitness, my hubby James who works out daily, and the gym and pool where I live. Everything else is up to me this time around. Making it happen this time after all of the challenges is going to mean so much more. I am not yet on hypothyroidism meds and I am trying to tackle this without it for now.

Here are the photos, no more shame. I own this and will succeed round two. I admit looking at these brings tears to my eyes. That is motivation enough to push hard. Thank you to all for the support and I hope I can start losing weight again and help some charities along the way. Love, light and truth. 

TYING THE STRINGS BACK TOGETHER

If you follow me you know since April my the strings in life started to unravel. I was able to have much weight loss success despite personal struggles because I was in control of the struggles in my life. I couldn’t control what was to come. My Mother passed away and my husband James took a position in Houston Texas and soon we left West Hollywood for Houston. It was our third move since 2014 and a big one at that. The summer for me was healing and not much else. I somewhat lost what I was working on as I tried to heal myself from the inside out. I also became vegan which was a transition for me. I since decided for now I will be vegetarian.

Today is the Autumn Equinox and day one of the second chapter of my weight loss blog, my official restart and my weigh in. I am not looking back now, I am only looking forward. For the relaunch of this blog my focus will be on health, wellness, fitness and goals. I still plan to sponsor a charity with each ten pounds I lose but I also will make a list of goals for each month beginning in October. There is going to be a give-a-way on my Facebook page, and I also promise to commit to posting if not every day every other day.

I am all in again, like I was in 2013 when I began this blog. I will not let WordPress struggles or life get in my way. I will be here and present even when things are not going my way. I will be raw, honest and forthright. I am putting all of myself out there beginning with my first weigh in today. I went from 159 to 179 in 5 months but that is ok, I got this and there is no shame in my game. 

I am human, I am me and today I am moving forward. Fall nine times, get up ten.

 

I GOT A NEW ATTITUDE

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

Maya Angelou

That quote sums up what I need to do since I moved from my beloved West Hollywood CA to Houston, Texas. It’s time to make radical changes in my thoughts and attitude. I am starting over fresh, in this blog and my goals; to commit to posting at least every other day and to start over in my weight loss/fitness journey. As soon as I settle in I will be looking for new charities to help again. No more complaining I miss California, as I plan to embrace all of the positives of where I am living at the moment. I have landed in Texas, but I plan to take off in my goals and dreams. This is a gift of a new beginning. There is beauty when you open your eyes and look for beauty.

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Since 2014, We moved from LA to San Francisco, from San Francisco to LA, and recently from LA to Houston. That is one move a year. My husband James was unemployed for over a year and my Mother passed away recently. Sometimes I am surprised we are both still standing. That was a lot of changes and a lot of new beginnings, but each new beginning is just that; a new beginning. Life happens, we adjust, we falter; and we finally pick up the broken pieces and put them back together again. We figure it out. I am doing that now, I am figuring it out.

For the first time since I began this blog I gained weight. It started with 6 lbs and went up to 13 lbs. I realized I needed to go back to #weightwatchersonline before it was too late. It’s been one week and tomorrow is my first weigh in day. Starting over again at 173 lbs. I went from 159 lbs up to 173 lbs but now the scale will be moving in my favor again. The goal is to treat this blog as brand new, with new excitement and ideas. 

Today I met with a friend I know from The Richard Simmons community who also happens to be an author. It was an inspirational lunch, and I got my copy of her book signed. She even brought me a copy of her children’s book that just came out. Her first book, An Exodus From Obesity is filled with so much insight from someone who lost a lot of weight. Wisdom, inspiration and life’s lessons. I also picked up a copy of The Alchemist. Everyone who read it said it was life changing literature. It is just what I need for my new tomorrow.

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To Tomorrow, and new beginnings and life’s changes. Out with the old and in with the new.

Namaste’

Rose

WEIGHT LOSS AFTER LOSS

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Losing a loved one knocks you down,and then you get back up and the memories knock you over again. It is a never-ending cycle, this grief stuff. I guess I just need to navigate my way around the emotional grenades and go on, and we must go on. 

Losing weight after losing a loved one, this is what is on my mind at the moment. Nothing knocked me down, nothing until I lost my Mother. I made it to my lowest weight on this journey, 159 lbs and I did it through a move from LA to San Francisco, my husband’s job loss and a move back to LA. I kept going through all of those life changes, and life did not break me and I never gained a pound. I kept losing and I am proud to say I did it, until the last month.

Now life after losing my Mother left me with a few pounds of extra weight. I admit I fell of the wagon. That’s the thing about wagons, they keep going, you just have to catch up and jump back on. I am committing to my healthy lifestyle and workouts and goals, it is not easy now. Our new kitchen is barely set up but I can do this. It starts today, I know how to do this and I know how to get to where I am going. I am back on the wagon and on the road to all of my goals. I will lose the 10 lbs I gained and get to my goals.

I am about to run to the grocery store, my hubby James is working and we need something healthy to eat. I am going to wear my runners belt and run there even with this heat and humidity. I plan on making a schedule soon, and tomorrow I have an interview to work in a local restaurant for some extra cash for my goals and our new life. I will post my workout/running/yoga schedule once I begin my job and new routine. No more slacking off. 

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I would love to know how you kept working towards your goals through a life crisis. What tips do you follow to keep at it? We are all here to inspire each other.

So much love and Light

Rose