Category Archives: failure

TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED

Our cat Max was sleeping in his cat bed today, we call it his baby bed. We bought his bed for him months ago after we adopted him. It was a month after we lost our beloved Siamese cat Rascal when we saw an advertisement that someone was giving their Siamese cat away. We were not looking to replace Rascal, but I felt compelled to adopt this particular cat.  He was declawed on all four legs and something told me he needed us as we needed him.

Max has been a healing force in our lives and a friend to our other Siamese Spanky who was severely depressed when Rascal passed. Seeing him so happy and relaxed in his  baby bed made me so happy. It is such a little thing but probably at the same time a very profound moment. I am happiest in the simplest of moments and despite the sadness and challenges of life these moments sustain me to go on no matter what. Through the sorrows, the failures, the challenges, the loneliness for friends and family we miss; these moments sustain our happiness.

Speaking of ‘no matter what’ we got the tragic news today about the passing of my hubby’s aunt Jan. We are deeply saddened for his Mother, his uncle Keith and the children and grandchildren. Life is so precious and limited. I cannot wrap my head around loss, I can only go on the best that I can sharing love to all those closest to me and trying to make a little difference in this strange experience we call life.

I will eat clean today, and continue on with my goals despite emotions and sorrow.I am not giving up nor am I using bad news to go on an eating free for all.  Losing a loved one is a reminder to go forth with as much vigor as I can muster because life is about now. Today is now, tomorrow never shows up; it just keeps getting pushed into the mysterious void of the future. I cannot touch tomorrow, but I can feel the warmth as I sit here on my patio listening to the waterfall beneath me. The clouds here in Texas feel so close I can almost touch them. The clouds feel less elusive than tomorrowland. 

I understand for many going forward is not as easy, those who suffer from mental illness and depression. Many cannot bounce back as easy and many do not share how they really feel. Someone you may believe is a survivor and strong may be faltering. Reach out to those you know are going through challenges, you never may know how truly needed it really is.  Like everyone on social media I was shocked to hear about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. Someone may seem to have it all and inside they are unraveling.  Just reach out and be there, and someday someone will do the same for you. 

Love and light to all, love and light.

Call 1800-273-8255

 

http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

 

 

 

 

STARTING OVER

Happy Thursday and happy health to all.

I had an epiphany yesterday. I have been held back by my ego, my vision and memories of all my weight loss success I had on this blog. I was really doing it, than life literally kicked me in the caboose.

To move forward I have to realize it is for my health and fitness, and accept I slipped. I need to quit focusing on my appearance and do it because it is what I love and the end reward is health. Of course looking great is a bonus but I am not going to put the emphasis on my appearance. Looking at photos from one year ago just makes me sad and stagnate. I finally had my husband James take new before photos and I plan to really get to work on my fitness. These are the only before photos I will take for three months. 

It has been a year and I gained thirty of the sixty pounds I lost. I also lost my fit body because honestly I have not lifted a weight in a year and my cardio sessions have not been consistent. I own it all and now I am starting completely brand new. This blog is now my new journey with my starting weight of 188 lbs.

We got some bad news the past week,more than one bout with bad news. That’s the thing about bad news when it is about other people than yourself, you have to keep it private even on a public forum as a blog. So not only am I starting over, I am starting over after life decided to kick but again. It is ok, kick me down and I will stand back up. 

My tools for working out this time around are simple. Melissa Bender Fitness, my hubby James who works out daily, and the gym and pool where I live. Everything else is up to me this time around. Making it happen this time after all of the challenges is going to mean so much more. I am not yet on hypothyroidism meds and I am trying to tackle this without it for now.

Here are the photos, no more shame. I own this and will succeed round two. I admit looking at these brings tears to my eyes. That is motivation enough to push hard. Thank you to all for the support and I hope I can start losing weight again and help some charities along the way. Love, light and truth. 

FAILURE IS NOT MY FINAL DESTINATION

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

Winston Churchill

Dreams, we all have them. It’s one of the things that motivates us to move forward in life. Dreaming feels like stepping through muddy moments and coming out refreshed on the other side, where the sun shines in a bright blue sky and rain comes down like a warm release of cleansing water. Dreams, I live for my dreams and passions and I have many dreams.

This blog was one of my dreams. It began with an idea. That’s the thing with dreams, at first they are just ideas. Our imagination concocts these thoughts called ideas, and it is up to us to either ignore them or find ways to turn thoughts into ideas and then into dreams. Sounds magical I know, and it is. I remember when my best friend suggested I write poems. Her suggestion was a thought, her thought became an idea and when she conveyed it to me it became my thoughts and ideas; and finally one of my dreams. I started writing, first with poems and later memoirs and essays. I am far from done and grateful to Melissa for her amazing idea that changed my life and my direction in which I live it.

The idea for this blog became a dream of mine. To lose weight while helping charities. It became one of my passions in my life and took me to places I had no idea I would even think of going. I had success, I lost 60 lbs and helped a lot of charities, and I was introduced to the world of fitness for the first time since my dancing days. This blog sprouted ideas that I continue to work on. I am so proud of the work I do. One of my largest dreams is to one day after I reach my goal to become a motivational speaker, helping others achieve weight loss and confidence, and encouraging them to pay it forward and help others all while achieving their own personal goals.

That same sky that brought the sunshine and the cleansing rain fell right through, more than once. In the same six months I went from achieving my lowest weight on this blog to gaining 30 lbs back six months later. I experienced the loss of my Mom, a move from LA to Houston and the sickness and loss of our beloved Siamese Rascal. I discovered I  sometimes can be an emotional eater. I did all of those things I thought were behind me, I ate unhealthy food and stopped exercising. Stress took over my life, especially during the three months I tried to save Rascal. The overeating, the lack of exercise, the stress and the grief taught me a valuable lesson. We are all human, we will fall from time to time. Our failures and falls do not define us. Our humanity and connection to each other defines us. Love defines us. What I did to try to save Rascal was love.

So back to dreams. How does one dream of doing something when they worked so hard to get to their goals and they failed? How can you continue if you failed? Where do you go from here? How do you start over? Can I ever make that dream of helping others lose weight after I myself had a setback? Am I not worthy? 

The answer is we are not defined by our failures and our setbacks, but how we stand back up; scraped knees, bruised egos and all. Facing our failure but putting it behind us as we admit we need to make a change and move forward. The key to change is facing you fell, forgiving yourself for faltering and admitting it happened. Connecting to others helps in the process, no man is an island. Connecting to other people was a huge part of my beginning of this blog and I will continue to connect and not try to go it alone. We are all connected.

I am back to blogging, back to losing weight ( with more to lose after my 30 lb weight gain), back to helping charities and working on my fitness goals; back after heartbreak and the business of being human. 

I fell hard, but I stand up again. I am alive, the sun rose today and I couldn’t think of a better way of honoring life by taking the universe up of the gift of another chance to dream and to do what I love; turning magical thoughts into inspirational ideas and dream, dream and do.

Nice to see you again,

Namaste’

Rose