Category Archives: depression

BEGINNING AGAIN

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“Your real life starts the moment you start questioning everything you thought was a constant.”
― Mark Fahmy

Good Monday Morning World, Monday you have come a calling again. I woke up today contemplating change, and new beginnings. I have decided to begin anew on my blog and start as if this is the very beginning. This time it’s not going to be as effortless. I am at the half way mark, and I lost my way somewhere along my journey. Admitting this is far from easy.

In my last post I mentioned I gained over ten pounds during the transition of my move from San Francisco to Los Angeles.  I have been through a lot of change in the last year and a half, and I believe I swam the murky waters and landed clean on the other side. But with all changes comes new challenges, and this time around I have some financial burdens to deal with along with my weight struggles. I am much better off than I was in the San Francisco Bay area, but I still have those nagging money issues that hold so many of us back. I promised myself even though I have these challenges, I will start again on my weight loss/fitness/philanthropy journey. I will be much more consistent and never give up. I admit my the last few weeks I have been depressed, and I am here openly admitting this and trying to overcome what holds me back.

If I keep stopping every time life throws me lemons I will never have fresh squeezed lemonade when summer arrives. I need to get back to being optimistic and hopeful. I started this blog in the summer of 2013, and here I am again in May 2016 picking up the lemon rinds and trying again. How many of you have done this exact same thing over and over?  What is it about daily life issues that derails us?  My plan is to start again and keep going despite what happens in my personal life. I am making myself accountable here and now.

Speaking of lemonade, my next ten pound charity will be a lemonade stand for a wonderful organization here in Los Angeles. I will announce who I am doing this for in a future post. My current weight is 175 lbs. My lowest weight I achieved on this blog was 165. I plan to do this charity after I lose another ten pounds. I actually plan on waiting until I weigh 164 lbs, so I can get to my lowest weight so far on this blog. That is my next goal and I intend to make this happen. I am a forever work in progress, but I will hike over this hump and get back to doing what I do best. 

Tomorrow I weigh in, and Tuesday’s will be my official weigh in day for now.I am going to be incredibly honest about the scale, and also post new full length beginning photos. This is exactly like it was in 2013, I just weigh a lot less than I did then. I guess I am not a complete failure. 

I have been running but not as often as I should, so I plan to post my running schedule and workout schedule soon. I am working, but looking for something closer to home. My intention is not to let my job and possible transition affect my plans. To keep going and going and never stop. I have lost a lot of strength so this is really like beginning again.

Ready, set, go. Today is a new day in my new home, and today is a good day. Much love and light to all. I am ready to come out of the darkness and face the warmth of the light here in sunny LA.525109_10151430247528617_1780460651_n

“All great beginnings start in the dark, when the moon greets you to a new day at midnight.”
― Shannon L. Alder

 

 

 

 

 

5 ways to survive a crisis

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“The best way out is always through”

Robert Frost

Life is beautiful, life is grand, and it is most definitely a privilege to be alive. Nothing is perfect though, and life is a series of hills and valleys. You definitely have to journey through the valleys before you are back on top of that metaphorical hill. I love that quote by Robert Frost, and I said it to myself daily for the last eight months. “The best way out is always through”

We all have our trials and tribulations, and each of our journeys are different. Our destinations may not be the same, but we are all connected through our shared humanity. For me I made sure I practiced a few steps to help me survive and not lose sight of my horizon, my goals and dreams. For me this made all the difference in the world. To be honest, I had a few meltdowns, I am human and with my humanity comes my flaws, scars and all. I make no apologies. It was through my meltdowns that I realized what I needed to do. The current was trying to bring me down, but I refused to drown and instead I chose to stay afloat and tread water until I saw the shore once again.

The dream is the bearer of a new possibility, the enlarged horizon of great hope. 

Howard Thurman

These are the steps that kept me sane and working towards my goals. Now that the murky water is clearing I can say I did not regress, I grew and I am in a better place than I once was last summer. I did not falter, I persevered. You can too. Keep your eye of that horizon and never give up. Hope is a beautiful state to dwell in. Love and light to all. Namaste’ Rose

 

  1. Assess your situation, breathe and take stock on what you need to do to make it better. A crisis can hit you hard and leave you feeling wounded and torn. Have your meltdowns, cry your tears but choose to live in hope instead of despair. After your initial fall stand back up, straighten your back and tell yourself I got this. Make a plan and take flight.birdie
  2. Do not stop working towards your goals and keep your exercise routine, trust me on this one.  I ran a 5K in October with my manager at work Josh, who inspires me. He has ran over 32 marathons and he actually started running because of a personal crisis he was experiencing. I met some amazing friends who have made an impact on my life running in that race, my inspiring friends Stan and John.  If you make plans, stand by your word and follow through. It is not easy but it is very rewarding. We are now planning another 5K in San Francisco on May 1st, and this time we are building a team of other co-workers who were inspired to join us. If I would have quit I would be starting all over now, and even more depressed because I let my crisis win.  I had to work a lot more hours than I would have liked, but I chose to walk on my breaks and take every opportunity to move as much as possible. I was averaging up to 25,000 a day. A motivating playlist made it fun. Start downloading music and get moving. Get high on those wonderful endorphins of yours. 27472617-2af2-40e7-adb0-7b717f69ec935k35k4
  3. Eat clean healthy food, drink a lot of fresh water and please rest your body and get out in nature.  Last thing you want is to do is gain weight and feel sluggish through your crisis. You need to feel healthy in mind and spirit to tackle the enormous task in front of you. Dealing with fears and the feeling of uncertainty is a lot worse when you are putting trash into your system, dehydrated and running on next to no sleep.  Would you litter? Pour oil into the ocean? Treat your body like you would the earth. Nurture it, water it, and let it grow. You need all the energy to get through this. A clean diet, lots of water and rest and recreation in the outdoors is the way to go. Like Nike tells the world, just do it.  I lost almost 15 lbs since the new year began. Below is my before and now.  2013, and 2016. Get outside and let the cool wind blow through your hair, it is the best therapy. We go to the coast to find our center, find your beach and breathe.pescadero212742839_1088819611163504_1748115292959977888_n
  4. Have a positive mantra. I have a few mantras that I said in my head over the last few months, and one my husband and I shared with each other daily. Of course I kept saying my favorite Robert Frost quote ” The best way out is always through” I also had a song that was my mantra, its a silly song but I love it. Remember the band Chumbawamba? They are a British alternative band most famous for their positive and uplifting song Tubthumping.  It’s title you will may not remember, but the lyrics will bring it all back. “I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down.” I sang this song in my head, I ran to it, I listened to it during my commute. The last mantra my husband James started in the new year. He began each day with “Today is a good day” and ended it with ‘Today was a good day and tomorrow is a good day.” I am a firm believer in the law of attraction, and he attracted positive energy our way. He focused on the good even on the rough days. We are all magnets, so attract the positive into your life. Today is a good day. Say it, believe it to be true and it will be.12715355_10153861692433617_9154185607114484018_n
  5. Be extra kind to others, smile a little more, exude happiness, giving and love. This is so true, I went through my days being kind to strangers despite my despair and you know what, it helped me more than it could have helped others. I went to work happy and smiling when it was the last place I wished to be. If you are grumpy you will only attract that negativity back at you. I smiled more, shared more of myself, and I gave back a little more. I continued to volunteer and donate through my own personal struggles, and I met some awe inspiring people doing it. If you are kind and happy you will attract kindness and happiness. Such a simple step to the path of happiness and to help you bear your crisis with a little more grace. Be a Susie Sunshine even if you are surrounded by Debbie Downers. You may find your uplifting attitude changes those around you. “You must be the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi charity

 

 

 

LEVELS OF LOW

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Humility, that low, sweet root, from which all heavenly virtues shoot.

Thomas Moore

 

I used to think I was too lucky to be so happy-go-lucky.  I would wake up happy for no reason. Nothing would get me down. I was just happy to wake up, grateful for my morning breath as well as my morning cup of steaming coffee. I could say I am an optimist, but let’s be honest here. I am a part-time optimist when things are going in my favor. It is easy to be breezy when life is going well with no complications. Part of my happiness has been haunted by this little apparition standing behind me taunting me with what if’s. It is one of the reasons I avoid trips to the doctor. What if the rug is pulled out under my feet? What if this natural state of euphoria I live in is a hoax or a false reality? What if something happens to test how optimistic I really am? What if I am just a walking, talking fraud? What if?

I have been in a crisis for quite some time now. My crisis came to a crescendo when I stopped working on my goals. I just stopped in November. I stopped working out, I stopped running, I stopped eating healthy and I stopped hoping.  The stress was manageable until I stopped being me and working on everything I had been so proud of for the last few years. Stress and his sidekick anxiety grabbed me by the lapel, shook me until I was left humbled and left me with bigger problems to face. Weight gain, depression, anxiety. It is easy to indulge your inner pessimist and wallow in your woes when you surrender way too easily. The hard part is fighting back.  The biggest challenge is to kick depression and anxiety to the curb, escape their dark clutches and find your way back into the sunlight. That is where it is warm, that is where you can reboot and find the answers you seek. Hope is seen in the refection of the sunlight dancing off the pavement. Go there and try to hear the music.

I stayed home tonight to deal with some pressing personal issues, and I realized even though I am not yet doing what I love full-time, doing a job that is a means to an end is a gift and definitely not a given. I am blessed to work in a place that is lively, where the people are kind and sincere and genuinely care about each other. Staying away does not help my cause, it just hinders it. I need to face that music I spoke of, fight back my demons and be grateful for every light filled opportunity I have to better our lives. We all have a little meek in us, as well as a little mighty.  Here I am, a new published author and a waitress, both are equally important to me.

We are human, and we all face certain hardships from time to time. There is dirt below our toes that keeps us literally down to earth. I realized this as I was watching the news, and seeing people in crises far worse than my own and I felt shamed. Young and old battling diseases and health problems, tornadoes, tragic accidents. It is an old cliché’ but it could be worse. There are levels of lows, and barometers of strength.

I have been up and down, and with a new dawn and a new year approaching I am going to find my way back up to the top of the cliff. That is where I can feel closest to the sun. If you need me in 2016 I will be basking in the promise of tomorrow with my brand new sun-kissed outlook. Back to my working out and all of the goals that I chose to chase when I began this blog. I look forward to getting high on endorphins and on life.

I am a work in progress but the sun will rise tomorrow, and it gives each and every one of us another chance to start over. I will rise up with the sun and take each and every new beginning that comes my way. I may not be perfect, but I am breathing; there is coffee brewing and all is well with the world.

With love and light

Rose