Category Archives: depression

WEIGHT LOSS AFTER LOSS

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Losing a loved one knocks you down,and then you get back up and the memories knock you over again. It is a never-ending cycle, this grief stuff. I guess I just need to navigate my way around the emotional grenades and go on, and we must go on. 

Losing weight after losing a loved one, this is what is on my mind at the moment. Nothing knocked me down, nothing until I lost my Mother. I made it to my lowest weight on this journey, 159 lbs and I did it through a move from LA to San Francisco, my husband’s job loss and a move back to LA. I kept going through all of those life changes, and life did not break me and I never gained a pound. I kept losing and I am proud to say I did it, until the last month.

Now life after losing my Mother left me with a few pounds of extra weight. I admit I fell of the wagon. That’s the thing about wagons, they keep going, you just have to catch up and jump back on. I am committing to my healthy lifestyle and workouts and goals, it is not easy now. Our new kitchen is barely set up but I can do this. It starts today, I know how to do this and I know how to get to where I am going. I am back on the wagon and on the road to all of my goals. I will lose the 10 lbs I gained and get to my goals.

I am about to run to the grocery store, my hubby James is working and we need something healthy to eat. I am going to wear my runners belt and run there even with this heat and humidity. I plan on making a schedule soon, and tomorrow I have an interview to work in a local restaurant for some extra cash for my goals and our new life. I will post my workout/running/yoga schedule once I begin my job and new routine. No more slacking off. 

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I would love to know how you kept working towards your goals through a life crisis. What tips do you follow to keep at it? We are all here to inspire each other.

So much love and Light

Rose

CRISIS CHALENGES

It is Thanksgiving week and it never escapes me how lucky I am, despite being in what seems to be a long-term financial crisis. I keep dieting and exercising through my challenges. This week we had yet another disappointment, but I am not going to allow myself to wallow in my woes. I took a moment yesterday, cried in my coffee over conversation with my dear friend Mary. I shared with her some things that concern me about being in a financial crisis as a weight loss blogger. My friend is a fixer type of friend, she is completely giving and the kind of person who tries to come up with solutions to your issues. She is amazing and I am lucky to have her around the corner. I am thankful indeed for all of my friends, family, my husband James and our beloved Siamese cats Rascal and Spanky. I am thankful for life.

I decided to do a quick post and share my thoughts and concerns about being in a financial crisis and how it affects my blog, These thoughts are ridiculous to me when I type them up, but they are my feelings. Being in a financial crisis puts a limit on a lot of spending. If you know me, you know I am more interested in helping others, in reveling in nature than I am about material possessions. With that said, everyone likes nice things, and I am not immune to that fact. If you follow fellow weight loss bloggers and well as fitness bloggers it seems a lot of the things they post I cannot post because of my situation. I feel like I do not measure up. This is not a pity statement, rather a way to get it out and share and to come up with other ways to be a motivational weight loss blogger during my lean time. I love that I said lean, because despite my crisis, I can say I accomplished my lowest weight on my blog. I did it even though there were times I wanted to dive head first in a vat of chocolate cake batter. It has been five months without a cheat day, and I have one more month to go. My workouts are at www.benderfitness.com which are all free. My equipment is weights, a mat and again a pair of worn shoes. Here are my silly concerns and how I am moving past them. I keep moving.a02b9032-b84b-415f-b804-150a63cc676414705636_1268334023212061_7219886695795970552_n

  1. My running shoes have seen their best day. I almost did not go to the last Richard Simmons Slimmons class out of embarrassment. I shared this in a private group, and the beautiful support that came my way through the Slimmons family taught me I am not an embarrassment. Someone even kindly offered to mail me shoes his wife has never worn. That touched me but it was not why I posted it, I just felt the need to vent. I am grateful to him and the whole Slimmons family, and as I type I am sporting my proudly worn Asics. They still feel good when I walk and run, and I am proud of all my steps. I am proud where these shoes have been, and where I am going.15073486_10154639242963617_6508711910709230700_n15078580_10154628087623617_8586468506395100455_n
  2. Instagram is filled with photos of people posting work out gear. I love nice work out clothes too, so I love liking the photos. I cannot do that now, and that is OK. I will find other ways to share my journey. So I am at my lowest weight on my blog and I am not clothes shopping. It will come soon enough, perhaps when I hit my ultimate weight loss goal. For now I keep keeping on and staring as trees as I run in my worn shoes. This gives me something to work for and something to look forward to. Perhaps a fun photo shoot when I finally reach that elusive weight loss goal of 135 lbs. The new clothes can wait, I am refocusing on the work. It is all about the hard work, the health and the wellness. And of course the connections with people.12592393_10153807006948617_2827822076568560780_n
  3. Races. I have done a few and I wish to do more. They are not cheap.  I  hope to run in a race in the new year. In the meantime, I will maybe do a virtual race and ask my followers to run along with me virtually. In 2015 I ran across the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and that was such a high on national 4/20 day. I can find another place to do a run here in LA, some place that really is special. As long as I keep running in my worn shoes I will reach my dream destination. I am a work in progress.unnamed-15
  4. Recipes and Food. Lately I have fallen off the wagon with cooking and shopping for groceries. We are keeping our diet simple, and I eat a lot of my meals at work. I tend to rely on the same fast and healthy options. It does not leave me much time or money to make elaborate recipes and that is OK. We have food, we eat healthy, we are grateful. Tonight I am off and trying a couple of healthier autumn treats. I am going to bake apples and make a baked sweet potato with just a few pecans, marshmallows and banana. I will post these budget friendly recipes. I can do one or two new recipes a week. I love shopping at thrift stores and finding treasures on a dime. This is my vintage Cuisinart food processor that I made black bean brownies with. 13731689_1191796280865836_7205266471736481432_n
  5. My Blanket Drive. I wanted to hold a boot camp to raise blankets for the Midnight Mission in LA for the Homeless. This is my next charity. I ended up sick and I have an injured rotator cuff so this felt like a failure to me. The game may have changed, but the prize is still the same. I am collecting blankets for the homeless and I will continue to do so from now until I deliver them to The Midnight Mission in December. It is getting Cold here in LA and the blankets are needed. Here are my thoughts on blankets for the homeless.http://mychangeforaten.com/1750-2/ I am getting to my goals despite the issues and nuances of life. My best friend Melissa Bender called me Mulan today. I am a warrior fighting my metaphorical huns. Much love and light, I am thankful for you. Happy Thanksgiving to all. Remember to treat your body like a temple but still enjoy life. It is the holiday so it is totally acceptable to indulge and share delicious fare with family and friends. Try to watch your portions and maybe get out for a walk or run. xocirque11

WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY

Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.

Oprah Winfrey

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Good Afternoon, hello sun!! Wednesdays from now on are going to be called weigh in
Wednesday. I have lost another 3 lbs and that brings my weight to 172.6. If you have followed my blog my lowest weight I achieved was 165 lbs, so I am still up a little from that number. I have decided to do things my way, after all I know what I am doing, I just needed to find my way back. I am going to combine my usual clean eating ways with Weight Watchers Online. It is a good way for me to watch my portions and to track everything I eat. I will feel in control and if I slip up a little on my program, I will just track it and be done. I am eliminating most processed foods like I have done the whole time, but I will not kick myself for the occasional slip up. Food is not bad or good, it is just food. With that said, I know what makes me feel good and look good, I know what works for my body type. I am happy to be back on the weight loss route again. 

 

I am doing this despite my challenges. We all have challenges, I am trying to rise above mine and work towards my goals and at the same time tackle my personal challenges. My next charity will be announced as soon as I work out the details. I plan to do it in June, when I finally get to my next goal of 164 or less. I am also going to do a future post on Grocery shopping when your funds are very limited. Now, this may not work for kids but for adults who wish to make a change and fear they do not have enough money for healthy groceries this post will be for you. I will also post my workout and running routine as I get back at it.

Each day I get a little better, and the consistency is helping. Today I am off from work and I am Siamese sitting for a dear friend, and I plan a getting a run in and perhaps some swimming. Next week as I shift to getting back on track I will go back to incorporating Melissa Bender Fitness workouts. I am so grateful to be back in Los Angeles and now I must move forward and get going to my goals. Change can be good, but it can slow you down. The key is recognizing it and starting again. There is no shame in starting over. Get those endorphins going with some upbeat music and soon it will seem like second nature again. That is my plan.

I may seem a little more melancholic than usual, but trust me I am on the road back to my usual optimistic self. I am taking baby steps and learning balance. 

Much love and light to all,

Namaste’

Rose

 

BEGINNING AGAIN

“Your real life starts the moment you start questioning everything you thought was a constant.”
― Mark Fahmy

Good Monday Morning World, Monday you have come a calling again. I woke up today contemplating change, and new beginnings. I have decided to begin anew on my blog and start as if this is the very beginning. This time it’s not going to be as effortless. I am at the half way mark, and I lost my way somewhere along my journey. Admitting this is far from easy.

In my last post I mentioned I gained over ten pounds during the transition of my move from San Francisco to Los Angeles.  I have been through a lot of change in the last year and a half, and I believe I swam the murky waters and landed clean on the other side. But with all changes comes new challenges, and this time around I have some financial burdens to deal with along with my weight struggles. I am much better off than I was in the San Francisco Bay area, but I still have those nagging money issues that hold so many of us back. I promised myself even though I have these challenges, I will start again on my weight loss/fitness/philanthropy journey. I will be much more consistent and never give up. I admit my the last few weeks I have been depressed, and I am here openly admitting this and trying to overcome what holds me back.

If I keep stopping every time life throws me lemons I will never have fresh squeezed lemonade when summer arrives. I need to get back to being optimistic and hopeful. I started this blog in the summer of 2013, and here I am again in May 2016 picking up the lemon rinds and trying again. How many of you have done this exact same thing over and over?  What is it about daily life issues that derails us?  My plan is to start again and keep going despite what happens in my personal life. I am making myself accountable here and now.

Speaking of lemonade, my next ten pound charity will be a lemonade stand for a wonderful organization here in Los Angeles. I will announce who I am doing this for in a future post. My current weight is 175 lbs. My lowest weight I achieved on this blog was 165. I plan to do this charity after I lose another ten pounds. I actually plan on waiting until I weigh 164 lbs, so I can get to my lowest weight so far on this blog. That is my next goal and I intend to make this happen. I am a forever work in progress, but I will hike over this hump and get back to doing what I do best. 

Tomorrow I weigh in, and Tuesday’s will be my official weigh in day for now.I am going to be incredibly honest about the scale, and also post new full length beginning photos. This is exactly like it was in 2013, I just weigh a lot less than I did then. I guess I am not a complete failure. 

I have been running but not as often as I should, so I plan to post my running schedule and workout schedule soon. I am working, but looking for something closer to home. My intention is not to let my job and possible transition affect my plans. To keep going and going and never stop. I have lost a lot of strength so this is really like beginning again.

Ready, set, go. Today is a new day in my new home, and today is a good day. Much love and light to all. I am ready to come out of the darkness and face the warmth of the light here in sunny LA.525109_10151430247528617_1780460651_n

“All great beginnings start in the dark, when the moon greets you to a new day at midnight.”
― Shannon L. Alder

 

 

 

 

 

5 ways to survive a crisis

“The best way out is always through”

Robert Frost

Life is beautiful, life is grand, and it is most definitely a privilege to be alive. Nothing is perfect though, and life is a series of hills and valleys. You definitely have to journey through the valleys before you are back on top of that metaphorical hill. I love that quote by Robert Frost, and I said it to myself daily for the last eight months. “The best way out is always through”

We all have our trials and tribulations, and each of our journeys are different. Our destinations may not be the same, but we are all connected through our shared humanity. For me I made sure I practiced a few steps to help me survive and not lose sight of my horizon, my goals and dreams. For me this made all the difference in the world. To be honest, I had a few meltdowns, I am human and with my humanity comes my flaws, scars and all. I make no apologies. It was through my meltdowns that I realized what I needed to do. The current was trying to bring me down, but I refused to drown and instead I chose to stay afloat and tread water until I saw the shore once again.

The dream is the bearer of a new possibility, the enlarged horizon of great hope. 

Howard Thurman

These are the steps that kept me sane and working towards my goals. Now that the murky water is clearing I can say I did not regress, I grew and I am in a better place than I once was last summer. I did not falter, I persevered. You can too. Keep your eye of that horizon and never give up. Hope is a beautiful state to dwell in. Love and light to all. Namaste’ Rose

 

  1. Assess your situation, breathe and take stock on what you need to do to make it better. A crisis can hit you hard and leave you feeling wounded and torn. Have your meltdowns, cry your tears but choose to live in hope instead of despair. After your initial fall stand back up, straighten your back and tell yourself I got this. Make a plan and take flight.birdie
  2. Do not stop working towards your goals and keep your exercise routine, trust me on this one.  I ran a 5K in October with my manager at work Josh, who inspires me. He has ran over 32 marathons and he actually started running because of a personal crisis he was experiencing. I met some amazing friends who have made an impact on my life running in that race, my inspiring friends Stan and John.  If you make plans, stand by your word and follow through. It is not easy but it is very rewarding. We are now planning another 5K in San Francisco on May 1st, and this time we are building a team of other co-workers who were inspired to join us. If I would have quit I would be starting all over now, and even more depressed because I let my crisis win.  I had to work a lot more hours than I would have liked, but I chose to walk on my breaks and take every opportunity to move as much as possible. I was averaging up to 25,000 a day. A motivating playlist made it fun. Start downloading music and get moving. Get high on those wonderful endorphins of yours. 27472617-2af2-40e7-adb0-7b717f69ec935k35k4
  3. Eat clean healthy food, drink a lot of fresh water and please rest your body and get out in nature.  Last thing you want is to do is gain weight and feel sluggish through your crisis. You need to feel healthy in mind and spirit to tackle the enormous task in front of you. Dealing with fears and the feeling of uncertainty is a lot worse when you are putting trash into your system, dehydrated and running on next to no sleep.  Would you litter? Pour oil into the ocean? Treat your body like you would the earth. Nurture it, water it, and let it grow. You need all the energy to get through this. A clean diet, lots of water and rest and recreation in the outdoors is the way to go. Like Nike tells the world, just do it.  I lost almost 15 lbs since the new year began. Below is my before and now.  2013, and 2016. Get outside and let the cool wind blow through your hair, it is the best therapy. We go to the coast to find our center, find your beach and breathe.pescadero212742839_1088819611163504_1748115292959977888_n
  4. Have a positive mantra. I have a few mantras that I said in my head over the last few months, and one my husband and I shared with each other daily. Of course I kept saying my favorite Robert Frost quote ” The best way out is always through” I also had a song that was my mantra, its a silly song but I love it. Remember the band Chumbawamba? They are a British alternative band most famous for their positive and uplifting song Tubthumping.  It’s title you will may not remember, but the lyrics will bring it all back. “I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down.” I sang this song in my head, I ran to it, I listened to it during my commute. The last mantra my husband James started in the new year. He began each day with “Today is a good day” and ended it with ‘Today was a good day and tomorrow is a good day.” I am a firm believer in the law of attraction, and he attracted positive energy our way. He focused on the good even on the rough days. We are all magnets, so attract the positive into your life. Today is a good day. Say it, believe it to be true and it will be.12715355_10153861692433617_9154185607114484018_n
  5. Be extra kind to others, smile a little more, exude happiness, giving and love. This is so true, I went through my days being kind to strangers despite my despair and you know what, it helped me more than it could have helped others. I went to work happy and smiling when it was the last place I wished to be. If you are grumpy you will only attract that negativity back at you. I smiled more, shared more of myself, and I gave back a little more. I continued to volunteer and donate through my own personal struggles, and I met some awe inspiring people doing it. If you are kind and happy you will attract kindness and happiness. Such a simple step to the path of happiness and to help you bear your crisis with a little more grace. Be a Susie Sunshine even if you are surrounded by Debbie Downers. You may find your uplifting attitude changes those around you. “You must be the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi charity

 

 

 

LEVELS OF LOW

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Humility, that low, sweet root, from which all heavenly virtues shoot.

Thomas Moore

 

I used to think I was too lucky to be so happy-go-lucky.  I would wake up happy for no reason. Nothing would get me down. I was just happy to wake up, grateful for my morning breath as well as my morning cup of steaming coffee. I could say I am an optimist, but let’s be honest here. I am a part-time optimist when things are going in my favor. It is easy to be breezy when life is going well with no complications. Part of my happiness has been haunted by this little apparition standing behind me taunting me with what if’s. It is one of the reasons I avoid trips to the doctor. What if the rug is pulled out under my feet? What if this natural state of euphoria I live in is a hoax or a false reality? What if something happens to test how optimistic I really am? What if I am just a walking, talking fraud? What if?

I have been in a crisis for quite some time now. My crisis came to a crescendo when I stopped working on my goals. I just stopped in November. I stopped working out, I stopped running, I stopped eating healthy and I stopped hoping.  The stress was manageable until I stopped being me and working on everything I had been so proud of for the last few years. Stress and his sidekick anxiety grabbed me by the lapel, shook me until I was left humbled and left me with bigger problems to face. Weight gain, depression, anxiety. It is easy to indulge your inner pessimist and wallow in your woes when you surrender way too easily. The hard part is fighting back.  The biggest challenge is to kick depression and anxiety to the curb, escape their dark clutches and find your way back into the sunlight. That is where it is warm, that is where you can reboot and find the answers you seek. Hope is seen in the refection of the sunlight dancing off the pavement. Go there and try to hear the music.

I stayed home tonight to deal with some pressing personal issues, and I realized even though I am not yet doing what I love full-time, doing a job that is a means to an end is a gift and definitely not a given. I am blessed to work in a place that is lively, where the people are kind and sincere and genuinely care about each other. Staying away does not help my cause, it just hinders it. I need to face that music I spoke of, fight back my demons and be grateful for every light filled opportunity I have to better our lives. We all have a little meek in us, as well as a little mighty.  Here I am, a new published author and a waitress, both are equally important to me.

We are human, and we all face certain hardships from time to time. There is dirt below our toes that keeps us literally down to earth. I realized this as I was watching the news, and seeing people in crises far worse than my own and I felt shamed. Young and old battling diseases and health problems, tornadoes, tragic accidents. It is an old cliché’ but it could be worse. There are levels of lows, and barometers of strength.

I have been up and down, and with a new dawn and a new year approaching I am going to find my way back up to the top of the cliff. That is where I can feel closest to the sun. If you need me in 2016 I will be basking in the promise of tomorrow with my brand new sun-kissed outlook. Back to my working out and all of the goals that I chose to chase when I began this blog. I look forward to getting high on endorphins and on life.

I am a work in progress but the sun will rise tomorrow, and it gives each and every one of us another chance to start over. I will rise up with the sun and take each and every new beginning that comes my way. I may not be perfect, but I am breathing; there is coffee brewing and all is well with the world.

With love and light

Rose